Have A Little Heart

Business has been slow the past few days, so I put an ad in the Sun. It paid off today. Whilst sitting at my favourite local watering hole I got a call to head down to the south end of town. I made it there by 11pm and was pleased when the attractive young man opened the door. He was nervous and invited me in. I made idle chat about his day and the weather and whatnot while I checked in with the agency and counted my ‘donation’. I always use this time to suss the situation out. There was a note on the kitchen counter that read: Thanks, I miss you. There was a poker table deconstructed and leaning against the wall in the kitchen, and the bathroom wasn’t especially dirty, but it wasn’t especially clean either. It was clear that there was a woman, but there is no longer. He was in his early 30’s, somewhat attractive, but in a misfit sort of way, smiled and laughed at all the right times and was very polite. When we reached his bedroom, he had a dresser, night tables, but the mattress was on the floor. And all the puzzle pieces clicked into place. Recently divorced. My eyes glanced to his ironing board set up, and sure enough, there was a book; A Guide Through Your Divorce. I realised that’s what was off about him. He wasn’t nervous, or maybe he was, but he was heart broken. You could see it when you looked at him. I felt bad for him. I didn’t like seeing the hurt in his eyes. I tried to make our time together special. He had a tattoo across his hip bown that said Try to change. I won't say change isn't good, but I wonder if he is being true to himself. I can't help but think what happened to inspire him to perminantly mark that on himself. Afterwards we laid in bed and talked about our travels until my phone rang. It was really nice though. He asked me why I got into this line of work. It’s funny, I didn’t realise this until I got in my car, but in my early days this was my most common question. But he was the first person to ask me in quite a while.

He told me that the band that we were listening to was playing in a bar downtown two nights next week. I’m debating whether or not to go. I really enjoyed the music, but it would be inappropriate. I think that’s why I want to go I’ve never run into a client in my off time before. I have no idea how it would go down. I’m sure it would be different for everyone, but would they say hi? Would they ignore me? Would I recognise them? What if I was with a friend. As usual, when I see a bridge, it seems I have to cross it…

Update:

I kind of left you all hanging about what I was going to do regarding Andrew. Although he hasn't done anything to cause me to distrust him, I have decided to do nothing. I did find the websitejavascript:void(0) he was talking about, and everything he said was true, however, it was circa 2007-2009 that these comments were posted. You would think that that would make them moot, but how many guys are looking at the date, when they’ve got their dick in their hand. So I will say it makes them less valid, not invalid. My friends all strongly advised against working with him from reasons ranging from he sounds like he’s a creep to being stuck with him. My reasoning for not doing it is the legality of it. Straight up. I don’t want to get arrested. And I don’t want to shell out that much money for a new license.

If I’m Going To Be A Mess, I Might As Well Be A Hot One!

I saw my aesthetician today. I wanted to book a facial. Not an uber relaxing one, just something to clear the pores out. This would never be something I would do on my previous income, but they feel clogged. I feel like I need it. Total bull shit. Ha ha. But my complexion has never been better, it’s just a little blotchy, so I thought I’d give it a little extra help. I wear a lot of make up. Some times I wonder if I wear too much, but I’m fairly certain Alex would tell me if I did. If not him, than one of my other highly opinionated, and much loved friends. I start with either a primer, then a tinted moisturiser, a spot check concealor, foundation, bronzer then blush. ~Gawd, it seems like so  much when I list it all out like that~

Alex just called. I read him the passage I just wrote about him and he’s like, “Mmmm… yes… Gargoil." Like I say. Brutal honesty.

So I'm telling Claire, my aesthetician, what I would like and she books me with this other lady. "You mean you won't be doing it?" I ask with a sad face. I don't know this stranger! "I don't do facials," she tells me. "And don't let her up-sell you!" She looks me right in the eyes when she says that. She means it. "Wait, is this that chic you don't like???" The gossip goes both ways, alright? No big deal. "She's the only one here who does them. Then afterwards we will do your waxing." I settle.

As I write this I have a blow dryer blowing on my toes drying the polish. This afternoon my big toe got wedged under a door and cracked the nail half way back. Big ouch. The store clerk advised that I be careful. I thanked him profusely for his warning. I have since crazy glued it back together and am trying to hide it with nail polish. I'm thinking it may work. See in my old life I would have stopped at crazy glue, but now I have to maintain. Ugh. I'm so high maintenance now it's gross.

I never used to be like this. The first time I bought make up I was 18, didn't wear it regularly until I was 24. This is the first time wearing it to work. I usually shower mid afternoon, so that means I'm often applying it twice a day.

And hair removal...! What a fucking pain in the ass. literally. Shaving has become the bane of my existence. However, I pulled my bottle of Nair out from under the sink the other day. Thought I’d give it another go. I’ve been generally avoiding it due to its toxic smell. I did my thighs and treasure trail. I admit, I got a little concerned with the burning sensation in my thighs, but I held out until my time was up. Afterwards, my thighs felt sooo smooth with no ill effects. My treasure trail, not as lucky. Before applying the Nair, I tweezed out the big hairs, and I guess that left the pores open or something, cause I had six freckle sized scabs right below my belly button. Now what’s the sexiest thing you can think of on a prostitute – sorry, escort? You guessed it! Scabs!!! Polysporin became my best friend. That was on Thursday, and they’re all gone now :D

As for waxing, it's really not as painful as they say. Don't get me wrong, it's no walk in the park, but I don't cry. That hard. Jk jk. The draw back about waxing is you have to let it grow out longer than a grain of rice before you can get it waxed again. I've been told that after a little while I'll only have to come in three or four times a year. I'm not there yet. Right now I'm at every three weeks or so. I feel embarrassed with clients for having unkempt naughty bits, but short term cost, long term gain right? Getting waxed professionally is a new thing for me. In my younger days my mom would do my face. Her technique left a lot to be desired. Right before she would rip the strip off, she would whack me in the back of the head. I think it's her 'I'll give you some thing to cry about' method.

I tried laser hair removal after college on my eyebrows and moustache. Err, I mean upper lip. Maybe it was the lady doing it, but THAT was painful! Picture holding an elastic band against your skin and pulling it back as far as it will stretch only to snap it against your skin. Now do that twelve times around your eyebrow and upper lip. Awful. When you do laser you have to shave in between sessions. It’s the root that the laser needs to get, but not the hair. There are special razors out there for your eye brows. They're hard to find but worth it. You can't have any hair in the spot where they are lasering. Well the last time I went she accidentally zapped an eyebrow hair. It was like I could see and feel the lightning bolts going through my skull, and then I could smell the smoke of both my hair and flesh. I yelled out and the woman laughed a little, "Oh, I made you cry!" I think it was a nervous laughter. Needless to say I have not been back since. If you try it, I'm not saying it will be your experience. I'm just saying it was mine. Because I was so afraid of the place I didn't go regularly like they advised so I didn't get the best results either.
 

 I feel like I’ve tried it all and still don’t really like any of it. And it seems that rather than trending back to being natural, it’s getting worse. Men are hopping on this band wagon too. Not good!

As for the hair I'm keeping (that on my head) I coloured it the same day as the Nair. (yay multi-tasking?) I did it to hide the grays. Ugh that makes me feel old. My brother started getting grays when he was 22. I held  on for a little while longer, so I suppose I should count myself lucky. I'll never forget the day when 12 year old little Realme and my BFF sitting in the backseat of my moms Buick and her informing us that "it's not just the hair on your head that goes gray, if you know what I mean." I wanted to die of embarrassment. Apparently she was struggling with getting old too. I do out of the box dye. Maybe next time I will get it done professionally, I just can't get past the fact that it's TEN times the cost. And you usually get a cut as well so it's a $250 hit by the end of the day. For some reason my hair doesn't hold the colour either, so it just doesn't seem worth it.

But that's not all! There also tanning to consider. I have ridiculously fair skin. 9 times out of 10 I win the whose palest contest. Between today and yesterday I spent 11 hours in a car driving to a friends wedding located in Narnia. I realised that I now have a drivers tan. ie one pink arm. I have never done any thing in the fake tanning spectrum, and frankly I find the whole thing intimidating. I've seen so many orange bodies and white arm pits, or the horizontal white moon under their ass cheeks. So weigh in folks! What say you? Tanning bed? Spray on? Lotions?

I hope this post doesn't make me sound as vain as I think it makes me sound. I just feel like the ugly duckling fooling people into thinking I'm pretty. It takes work!

Joke of the Post: I'm not a super judgemental person. I don't have the usual hang ups about bodies that a lot of people do. But. But yesterday I think I saw a tail. For real. I only got a quick glance at it as he turned and went to the washroom, but there was some thing there! My first thought was it was a really big hemroid, but quickly realised that made no sense. It was at the base of his spine and the size of two knuckles of my thumb. Was it George Costanza who had a tail? I don't know. According to wikipedia (which is irrefutable donchaknow) human embryos start with tails and as it turns into a fetus it is absorbed into the body and becomes the spine. However this isn't always 100% successful. I once read somewhere (then filed under useless info to be pulled out in times like this) that in this fine country of ours, in the event that a child is born with a 'soft tail' or any tail, they are OBLIGATED to remove it, with or without the parents consent. My client was from a different country. I don't know what their medical standards/policies are. I just know it was awesome! Yes!!! I wanted to ask him about it, but that could have been awkward. 

Just couldn't help myself... click here, it's hilarious

Alison's blog to follow...

... but in the mean time you should read this. 

Lesbian Chases Straight by Ms. X -- Eden Cafe

I think it has incredible insight to the way sexuality is trending...

Just Another Day

"Hi, I've got a general for you"

"Ok, go ahead"

"Ok his name is Danielle"

"Danielle?"

"Yeah. He's really hard to understand"

"Awesome," I say

"Yeah. Ok his number is... "

"Perfect. Do you know where he is?"

"Uhhh, 165 Summerdale Crescent"

"That's in Summerville?" 

"Yeah, I think so"

"Go figure" Some neighbourhoods have a reputation for being a little more ethnic than others.

"Hello?"

"Hi, is this Danielle?"

"Yeah, when are you coming over?"

"Well, where do you live?" I like to hear it from them. 

"Summerville" 

I don't know exactly where it is, but I have a rough idea. "Ok, Danielle, I can be there in half an hour to 45 minutes" 

"Not sooner?"

"Well, no, I have to drive there. That takes time"

"Where are you coming from?"

"I'm coming from half an hour to 45 minutes away"

"Oh. Oh, ok"

"What's your exact address, Danielle?"

"Summerdale Cres"

"Summerdale... D-A-L-E what?"

"Cres"

"Cres? Oh Crescent?"

"Cres."

"Ok, and the house number?"

"One hundred and sixty five"

"Ok. You're at 165 Summerdale D-A-L-E  crescent"

"Yes"

"Ok, I'll see you soon, Danielle"

"Hello?"

"Hi, Danielle, this is Alison. I'm just calling to confirm your address."

"Yes, it's what I told you"

"Right. 165 Summerdale Crescent?"

"Yes"

"Ok, I'm here, but the house numbers only go up to one-oh-four"

"My address is 165 Summerdale Crescent"

"Ok, the numbers don't go up that high. Are you right by a school?" 

"Yes. Where are you?"

"I'm on the corner of Summerdale Crescent and Summerview Road"

"I don't see you?"

"Are you outside?"

"Where are you?"

"I'm right by the baseball diamond"

"Diamond?"

"Yeah, the baseball diamond. Where they play baseball. Listen  I don't know how to find you"

"Go to the Mac's. I will come get you. I drive a gold truck"

"I don't know where the Mac's is. I'm not familiar with this neighbourhood. Listen. Stay where you are and I will find it then I will call you. Hey, hold on, I'm at a place called 'the food store' can you meet me here?"

"You're at a food store? I can meet you at the Safeway?"

"Nooo no no, that's so far away. This place is CALLED the Food Store. You know what? Never mind. Where is Mac's?"

"Its on Summerville Road and Summerville St. I will meet you there. I will go there now"

"No, hold on. I don't know where that is. I will find it first, then I will call you. Then you can come get me"

"I will meet you there now. The Mac's on the Corner of Summerville Road and Summerville St."

"Danielle stay where you are until I find it. Then I will call you." 

"Mac's. I'll meet you there."

"Danielle, listen to me, let me find it first." I'm using my elementary school teacher voice now. I have no idea how long it's going to take to find this place. It didn't make sense to have him wait. 

"I'm leaving now. I'm in a gold truck."

"Danielle, hold on, you're not list..."

"See you there"

Whatever

"There is no friggen Mac's around here. What the fuck is this guy talking about?" I pull into a 7-11 parking lot to use my GPS. It's not long before this guy starts walking awkwardly towards my truck. "Danielle?" I ask. His truck is fucking silver. Not gold. 

"Yes. Hi."

"This is 7-11 not Mac's"

"Sorry. Mistake. Summerville is that way," He says pointing in the opposite direction. 

"Summerdale is over there? Dale?"

"Yes"

"Ok. Let me show you something" I pull out my GPS. 

He pulls an electrical bill out of his back pocket and points at the address. To put me in my place I guess. Silly stupid girl. 

"That says SummerRIDGE!  RIDGE!!! Not Summerdale"

"YES!!!"

Forget it. "Lets go" 

I get in my car and he gets in his 'gold' truck and we drive off. 

When we get to his place he proceeds to fuck me like a blind man writing a braille novel. "What does that even mean?" You ask. You don't want to know. Not good. Then, without a grunt or a groan he sits up and says, "I'm done" with all the satisfaction of a two year old after potty training. 

"Good," I say with equal enthusiasm. 

Working Girl

So I’m all healthy again and back to work. Yay. It makes me happy. I think taking all that time off reminds me that I do really love my job. I kinda had a run of trolls prior. Less fun. Since returning, I’ve had much more desirable men. Ha ha. It’s been good. 

I had a client yesterday afternoon, and he was weird. Not weird bad, weird different. It started out funny, and I feel kinda bad for the guy. He just wanted a BJ, but we don’t do that. We aren’t hired out for our services we’re hired out for our time. That’s what makes it legal. So he first phoned and I talked to him, and he told me what he wanted, but he didn’t want to pay the half hour rate for just a BJ, so sorry about your luck friend. He calls back a little while later and tells the girl at the agency what he wants and if they can accommodate that. Man, she gave him an earful! Ha ha. What makes it legal is the premise that the agency doesn’t know what we do with our time, otherwise it’s earning income on the avails of prostitution or something like that – illegal. So I get the call again, and the girl is like “I don’t know if you want to see this idiot but…” I laugh and take the call. When I get to his place I explain the rules to him. “It’s like fight club. First rule of fight club is you do not talk about fight club” I also tell him, what she told him; that he’s paying for my time, not my services, so he might as well get the full meal deal. And this is where it gets weird. It was like we made love. We just fed off each others energy. It was like Realme sex. We held hands, fingers all intertwined, and just stared at each other so intensely. So sensual. 

My second client of the evening called right at the end of the night. I had a call previous to him, but it was for just half an hour, and I would have had to do my make up, and at 2:30 AM, it’s just not worth it, so I turned him down saying I only do hour calls at that time of night. He was a call who saw my picture on line, so turning him down wasn’t the best idea for my stats at work, but, still… it was 2:30 in the morning. Luckily for me, it paid off and I got an hour long call. The hotel was close to my place so I was able to get there quite quickly. He was a funny guy. We chatted for a while. He asked me how old I was, and I told him my internet age, and he told me his age, then he said how old are you really? I laughed and told him. I think it’s funny how they know every thing we say is a lie. We were the same age. He’s a consultant for a company that owns one of the big office buildings down town. As I get older I come in contact with more and more successful people my age, and I can’t help think that I zigged when they zagged, and that’s why they’re doing so well. It’s like I was given the road map to life in high school, but I threw it out. Anyway we had a good time. He was good for the ego. He was absolutely crazy about everything I did. He wanted a bj, but I told him that was extra. And he questioned whether it was worth it, so I took his thumb and started sucking on it. He was up grabbing for his wallet so fast! I need to change my mindset about all of this. This is a business. I need to start milking these guys for every penny I can get out of them. I kinda feel guilty about it, like I’m coming across as greedy. And no one likes to be reminded that they’re paying for it. I need to get better at this. I feel like I could be making much more money.

Alright, advice please. I squirt. And the men, they love this. And if I could advertise this, I could make a killing, but I don’t know how to phrase it, so it’s not smutty. Any tips? I need to sit down and look at other girls ads, see what they’re writing. 

Speaking of looking at ads, just for kicks I checked out the male escort scene. There aren’t that many! I’m surprised, and not surprised at the same time. So many guys say that it would be awesome if they could do it, but I really don’t think there is a huge market for it. However, I think that might be greatly underestimated. I think women are stuck being prudes. Male escorts are cheap though! I was shocked! Ha ha. From what I’ve learned my agency charges at the high end of the scale in the city, but still, these guys are earning a third or less what I charge. It makes it even more tempting. I’m so ridiculous. I’m too shy to do it. How retarded is that??? The idea of having someone over makes me just want to giggle and blush. But at that price, I could have me the perfect fuck buddy. Maybe. He’s still a person. I find that so many people are attractive until they open their mouth and start talking. But he wouldn’t have to talk! I know it’s only a matter of time before I work up the nerve to do this. Ha ha. They also do in calls. I see the appeal to that, but I wouldn’t want to go to their place. I’d much rather they come to my home. Is that a control issue? I don’t know.

I'm a Dirty Girl

Is it wrong that I fantasise about hiring an escort? I feel like there's an ethical dilemma there. I do though. I've been trying to figure out why. And what makes it tricky is I know the other side of the coin. I think it would be nice for someone to come and lavish their attention on me. But its not like it would be real. That's the funny part. Having said that, what was real with Jake or Andrew? We were both just using each other (not to say it wasn't a happy arrangement though). With hiring someone I would just be fooling myself. 

I would hire a man. Even though I prefer women, I prefer gay women (not gay for pay, as they call it in Mexico), and I'm much more picky with my ladies than with my men. I have a type! And how would it work? Typically sex is over when he comes, and in the sex trade industry once the show is over there's not much point in hanging around. So my question is, would he race to the finish then leave? I wouldn't want to hire someone who sucked. That would be so disappointing. 

And only staying for an hour. That would also suck. I have made a rule that all of my hook ups must be sleep overs. That part of it is just as important to me as the sex. It differentiates it from work. Well, that and the fact that it's generally good. 

I guess I just want a fuck buddy. No strings attached, uncomplicated, minimal talking, exciting, adventurous sex. Is that too much to ask for? Ha ha. Obviously!!!

 Honestly, as I write I know it's more than that. The idea of paying for someone's body is hot. I've kind of started to venture down the other side of the BDSM street. The dominate side. This is new for me. I've always been the sub/bottom, but I'm loving this. And having them be mine for the hour is kinda hot. It's a little degrading for them and that turns me on.It's funny, because there've been situations where I did not feel good about what I was doing, bit I've never felt degraded because I was getting paid, yet I have this perspective being on the other side. 

Limbo

I'm in bed right now. Trying to figure out what to do with my day. My life has returned to normal. No more faux job that doesn't pay and all family has returned to their respective homes. It's just me and time again.

 It's funny about family. My parents are divorced, but they get along really well. They hung out a bit this week and I was paranoid about leaving them alone together. I didn't want them to start talking about me. I know there's no way they can know what I do for a living. It just wouldn't make sense for them to jump to that conclusion, even if they did suspect something was up. Parental denial is such a powerful thing, and I'm their little girl. But I've still got that guilty complex. I just don't like them talking together. 

I've been sick a lot this last month. It's sucked. Started with a throat infection the weekend I met Andrew, and because I'm an idiot and didn't take my antibiotics like I was told to, it has mutated into a kidney infection. Ugh. It's been awful. This has been going on for the last week, so I only took one job early on. I want it to go away! I just want to go back to work. Every time something goes wrong in that area, I stress that I've caught an STD. I get checked regularly and I'm fine, but I don't think it's unreasonable to be overly concerned given my line of work. Having said that, with all the action it sees it's hard to keep a balanced pH level. My doctor says I need to eat more sugar free yogurt. Pro-biotics! Yay. 

And on the Andrew front, conversations continued, but I think we are at a stand still now. He doesn't trust me enough to show me his 'money maker'; The website that gave my agency a bad review, and I think he's lying about it. So. That's that. It's a website though. On the Internet. Its not like it's a secret file in a locked room. If it's out there, I'll find it, or I won't. No big deal. I'm not moving forward with him until he backs up his big talk. I asked him how he would do a background check, because that made no sense to me. He said that the clients are to give references of other girls they've seen. I've read on other blogs that this is common. There's no database or anything like that though. The thing to keep in mind is everyone in this industry is looking out for #1. Andrew is totally self motivated, I'm not kidding myself into thinking he actually cares about me or my well being. He care about his income. And I would be it. And I'm doing the same. I don't owe him a thing. 

And don't think the agency is holier than thou either. They're feeding me self-serving lies too. I kind of feel like they're trying to pit me against the other girls. I think they're just bored. All they do is watch tv all day and make shit pay. I really don't concern myself with what they say. On the surface they're nice girls and that's as deep as I care to go with them. The key is to stay on their good side so they keep sending me the most calls. Ha ha. 

Do You Want To Be A Starbucks Or Do You Want To Be A Tim Hortons?

I'm making my own decision. Period. I'm giving this whole thing a lot of thought and weighing all of my options. Between staying with my grandma, and now having other family in town I really haven't had a lot of time to do any research, but I did find both the federal and municipal laws regarding it, and it is a lot more legit than I thought, but there is still a lot of grey areas. I need to read over them again and gain a full understanding. I also found free legal council for one of the neighbouring cities so there's gotta be something like that in my bustling metropolis of mine. 

Andrew also did some of his own research. We have had further conversations since. He texted me to let me know my agency has a bad rep. I told him to go on, and he said that we're not industry standard, we don't do GFE, too expensive and so on. Some of what he said is true, some isn't and some I cant speak to. I phoned him, enough of this texting. It was a weird conversation. Very stalled. I asked him what his source was and he said web sites. "what websites?" "Well, I'm not telling." I respect that he wants to keep his cards close to his chest. If I know everything he does, he might become redundant. However I can do my own research, and I've found a lot of different sites, but so far none that review actual agencies; they just review the girls. 

He also said that we/I charge too much. For basic service, for GFE and for anything kinky or out of the norm. But you know what? It's not too much if people pay it. Do you want to be Starbucks or do you want to be Tim Hortons. Both make a shit tonn of money with very different business models. 

The fact that he is being manipulative and giving me the hard sell is not lost on me. Bottom line is I want to be safe and I want to do it legally and right now it kind of seems that they are mutually exclusive. ~ironic~ I'm not going to let him pressure me into any thing and I'm not going to let him rush me. And also keep in mind that this isn't the scary controlling pimp situation you hear about or see in the movies. HE is going to be working for ME. I control the cash flow. I pay him. Not the other way around. There will be no drugs. He does not do them and neither do I. 

There's no time laps in writing, but I've been sitting here for a bit thinking how over my head I could get. I know that it is with in the realm of possibilities. I don't like to think about it but I know its real. The thing is, this is not a secret life I live. ALL of my friends know what I do. If I am in trouble I can reach out. And I have friends who will not allow me to be isolated. And they are all normal people. Ha ha. They are stable and are people I could go to if I needed help. Actually, come to think of it, I knew way more drug dealers and sketchy people when I was living the straight life than I do now. Back in the day, my theory is if something happened to me, I would tell a few choice friends and let them handle it, rather than going to the police. I don't know those people any more ~sad face~

PS. This was written from the iPhone so please forgive the typos. 

A Biz Meetin

Hey, so just wondering how much you would charge just to drive? And I would have to come pick you up, wouldn’t I? Hypothetically… if that’s something you’d be interested in

I would drive u once I get my car back in july. And 30-40 a call. And if I get u a client it will be 60-70 a call including driving and u will get way more biz if u work from ur place and I can work it out so I can background check to make sure they’re not police

U start working out of your house and it will be 40 for each client I send u

Mmm. I’m just looking at my options right now. Particularly for a driver

Well there’s the option hun. 30-40 a call

A client went kinda nuts on me on Thursday. But if he had punched me instead of the wall, the driver would still be sittin in the car listening to the radio. So not sure. Lol

Ya and what happens if u didn’t make it out of there. Driver would have broken down the door and been in there if u weren’t answering ur phone 5 minutes after u should have done. And I’ve broken into places before because idiot girls take to long and I think they are in trouble.

Can I call you for late night drives? And I’d pick you up in my car?

24/7

:) Ok. I’m going to call you for the late night calls (like after last call) then we’ll go from there

Lol, no thanks. I’m not staying up for one or two calls. Not worth it to mess up my sleep patterern. Ill stay up that late if I’m working other times too. It’s the only way to make it worth my while.

Ok. Fair enough :( lol

Ya sorry. Maybe in a couple months when I’m driving other people ill do that, but for now I can’t.

Use me all the time, or not at all

~There’s a joke to be made there~

I know

And r u going to take the clients I send u?

Depends on how you get them. I would like to. Like I say though, my boss can’t find out.

Obviously I wouldn’t tell your boss.

I’m paranoid about that like you are about being outted

Look, I know your hesitant. But u need to put a little trust in me. U will make way more money with me and yes, ill make money too. But ur better with me than an agency

Don’t worry about ur agency

Send me your photos and pick a new work name. I’ll get things going for Monday

Yeah, I’m super hesitant. Working with you sounds better and safer, but also illegal. I heard indy licenses are illegal. If you’re right, it’s still a huge amount of money. I can’t get a criminal record. And I’m not working out of my home. Like I said in the beginning, I’m weighing my options.

Also I’ve already sent my photos to my boss, so couldn’t use them.

You sent every photo?

And you don’t have to put that you’d be making money as a disclaimer. Of course you would. But I’d be making more. Lol

And ya, it is, but it’s been going on for how long, and I know soo many people in it. U just have to be smart

No, 3. But there were only 2 sets. She’d catch on pretty easy.

Well u need to find some photos that I can use. The ones y showed me will make u rich. Otherwise ur picture will look like every other girl.

I’d really like a chance to talk to another girl.

Sooo I told u what I need. So if you want to start making money, get back to me. Otherwise, my fingers are tired from texting a novel to u

Ha ha ha, Yeah, fair enough. We could have a good thing, like I say, I just need to think it over. You’ll be hearing from me though.

 

That day my horoscope read: Learning and experience will bring success. Don't be someone's puppet when you should be following your own path. A problem with a colleague or company you deal with can be expected. Don't believe everything you are told. 

Joke of the Post

So now that I'm in the land of cable, I'm channel surfing and, "Oh my God! It's my boss on TV... Oh wait, no, that's a real housewife of where-everland. Nevermind"

Keeping Safe

When I was a teenager I worked in a deli where the late night shift would only be worked by one staff. As I was going to school this person would often be me. There were a rash of robberies in the city and I expressed my concern to my boss. "Oh, not to worry," she says and points out that our location is on a main  road (in the back corner of a strip mall) there is the security camera there (which is fake) there was the hotel security next door (which patrolled the hotel, not the strip mall) "...And we live right there" she said pointing at her apartment which could be seen from where we were standing. None of this made me feel any better. What I wanted to ask was, "How does any of that help me while I'm in here getting robbed?" Sure enough I was robbed a few days later and no one came to my rescue. 

I know I'm playing a different game now and I know the stakes are higher. But this is kind of how I feel about having a driver. The driver isn't going to be in there with me. I think I am going to keep my dog spray in my purse with me. I just shot wonderboy a text to see how much he would charge and if it would be something he would be realistically willing to do. Also, worth noting, if it were driving and marketing, then he would get his car re-insured. But if it were just driving, I would probably have to pick him up in my car then have him drive me from there. Yes I know.  It's like as I lay all the details on paper it's making less and less sense. 

I was talking the lady in the office and she gave me a couple websites where I can promote myself. Some free, some not. Any money you invest in it though, you get back exponentially. This is definitely something I'm going to look into. 

Its Friday night. So far it's been a slow day. I got a call back over lunch. I call and the line is busy, then the girl calls me back telling me not to go. It was the crazy guy from the other day. I don't know why the hell he was calling me to come back. Makes me a little nervous. Whatever. I've never wanted to put the phone numbers into my phonebook, for fear of accidentally drunk-dialing or mis-dialing one of them, but it's the best way to recognise a client quickly. Names repeat, and addresses are in my book, but my book is either in my car or home. It's not in my hand every time my phone rings. If I put it in my phone the name or label will come up when I put it in.  Hey!!! You guys know about an iPhone app that keeps a separate phone book??? Let me know!!! 

Anyway. I'm learning how to keep myself safe. The tricks of the trade I guess. And I'm not afraid to get myself out of a scary situation before it gets bad. 

So. On a completely different note. 

I'm at my grandmas this weekend. Ha ha. Yup. Completely different note. She's telling me how she sees a rainbow outside right now. She lives with my mom and mom has gone away for the weekend. Either cause I'm the favourite grandkid, or cause I'm the only one living in the city (ha ha, you guess) I look after her during moms time off. She sees my typing on my phone but has no idea what I'm writing about. Balance... Balance... I have made some plans with friends tomorrow night after she goes to bed and she is telling me to cancel and stay in. Mmm, I'm not going to. I'm just not sure what I'm going to do if/when I get called away to work. Last weekend I had two back to back calls. One at 1:30 in the morning, the next right in time for last call. I don't know how I'll explain it. When she was my age she was already married with two kids. Maybe I will just say we are in different places in our lives and give no other explanation. 

Anyway I gotta go. Jeopardy is getting pretty tense here. 

Further Consideration

So I had 2 afternoon calls right after that blog. The first one was Dude. I like Dude. I’ve met him before. Dude fucks like a maniac. Like seriously, he’s incredible. Afterwards, during the chat/find my shirt time, he kept asking for my phone number. He can’t believe that I don’t have a second phone for work. I would like to give Dude my phone number, trust me. What’s wrong with me?!? You’d think with me being in this industry, I’d be less adverse to breaking the rules. But I’m not. Alas.

Second call I also thought was a repeat client. He wasn’t in my book, but I recognised the address, cause it’s 3 blocks from my place. I remember the guy. He was not my favourite, but at least he was respectful. As I’ve said before that makes all the difference. I get buzzed in and he is waiting for me at the end of the hall. This is not the same guy. So many similarities, old weathered skin, greasy curly mullet in pony tail, bad track pants, yet not the same guy. Am I wrong? Could this be his son? That’d be weird. I walk into the apartment. Definitely the same place. Original guy is on the couch with the blanket over his head. We go into his room, and I suggest he closes the door. “I am so drunk” he tells me for the 17^th time. “Yes. You are. I don’t even know what to do with you, you’re so drunk. When did you start drinking?” At this point it may have been three in the afternoon. “Five days ago” He says as proud as an eight year old who just got a gold star. “Alright, well lets do this then.” I figure there’s no avoiding it .This man was gross. He was so gross, there just aren’t words. For every level that a person could be gross, he was. Well that’s not entirely true, I asked him if he’s showered recently, and he forced me to smell him. All I could smell was beer. So I’m starfishing. I’m not even pretending to enjoy myself. I’m doing everything I can just to mentally keep myself there. My neck is craned as far away from him as it could stretch, and he kept putting his face in my neck and ear. His throat gargling with his moans, and his whiskers creeping against my cheek. Each time I would push his face away from mine. I’m not even going to apologise. It was just that gross. Eventually he got mad that I wasn’t into it. Like really mad. Punching the walls and yelling swears at me mad. I got dressed and got the fuck out of there. Didn’t have a driver if things went south. I should know it’s only a matter of time. 

Transition...?

I quit my cover-story job. It wasn’t working out for half a dozen reasons. Primarily, the complete lack of work from the job that actually pays.

Andrew and I are done. He slept over last night and I had a horrible dream, and woke up yelling. He didn’t ask if I was ok. Instant Fail.

I’ve decided not to post the photos here. Sorry team. If someone who reads this, finds them on the net, then you know where I am. And I like this blog being anonymous. Oh, yeah, the pic above is not me… I’m not blond.

The other day I randomly met someone in the industry. We have mutual friends and we met at a party. A bit of drinking was involved conversation lead from one thing to another, then suddenly confessions. We’ve been hanging out. He doesn’t really do it much any more. But he’s offered to help me with my marketing and be my driver. For a fee of course. I don’t feel that this is unreasonable, nothing’s free. He said that I’m stupid not to have a driver. I agree with this, but, well, I just don’t have one. I don’t know anyone who would do it for a reasonable price. As well as someone who would be willing to get involved if need be. He’s making a good offer, if he can do what he says he can do. However. I have to make a choice. Choice 1: Continue to go through the agency, with his help in marketing, therefore I would be paying both him, and the agency, a total of approx 40%. Choice 2: Quit the agency (would they have me back if it didn’t work out?) get my independent license (10x the price of the agency license, money that I do not currently have, as my faux job has sucked me dry), and continue work in a legit manor. Choice 3: Cheat on my agency, risk getting caught by them and fired, and work illegally. Or the obvious Choice 4: Keep doing what I’m doing. I’m making good money, or will be again, now that I’m back to full time. And now that I have my photos up on line, I would like to see how much money they bring in. I have blurred out my face. He said I should have only covered the top half of my face, and shown the bottom half unblurred. I don’t think I want to do that. I like no part of my face showing. Making more money is awesome, but not when my parents aren’t talking to me cause I’m a whore. I will say though, he seems to know what he’s talking about. I’m thinking of going with Choice #4, see what the photos do for me, then Choice #1 for a trial period. Options are good.

What do you think?!?! What should I do? Email me, let me know! Alisonsblog2032@gmail.com

Just Sayin…

It was pointed out to me tonight that my post “3 for 3” really has nothing to do with my escorting life. I would like to say it does. For this reason. Through my job, I feel I have re-claimed my sexuality, and my slut (God Bless Her). That to me is important. I like to have sex. Often. And new sex, with new people. I like learning about sex, and I prefer the hands on approach. As I mentioned, I don’t feel that I’m getting what I’m looking for through work, except for… what? Freedom? Confidence? I don’t know, but things are better. I would like to say I’m more discerning now than I was before. But I’m not. Does that mean lesson not learned? I don’t know.

Woke Up and The Sun Was Shining

Did I mention my day-job boss is out of town. This means, some days, way more work, some, way less. Today was a way less day. Had to make some phone calls, and walk a dog. So I booked on first thing, and got a call right away. And it was a call back, at that! Great way to start the month. They keep stats on the sources of all our calls. (ie Call-backs, Internet pictures, Sun Ads, or people just calling in randomly; Generals) Right now I’m not doing a lot to promote myself, so the majority of my calls are generals. The agency doesn’t appreciate that very much. That might be why I haven’t been getting a lot of calls lately. So I go to this call, walk the dog, then I get another call-back, Frank, then I make my calls. It’s a good day. It seems that I’m making everyone happy today. Clients, bosses, and I’ve got a bit of cash in my pocket. Finally! 

My first client had such a dirty mouth. I loved it! ha ha. I'm not so good with the dirty talk myself, but the stuff he was saying, my goodness! And he knew I loved it. As he was walking me out, he asked, "So what are the chances of a date? Slim to none?" I'm glad he acknowledged that. "Yup," I said, "I've tried it before, and just got screwed." I wanted him to know it wasn't personal. He was cute, but when I put my face close to his, I could smell so much coke, it kinda made my eyes water. It was personal. And I knew that if I gave this guy access to my personal life, he would get bored very quickly. He seems to be the type of guy who always wants more. Very Peter Pan.

Frank is going in for surgery in a couple days. I’m worried about him. He says I shouldn’t be. But I told him to call me through the agency when he gets out. It’s a hip replacement. I feel so bad for the guy. I’m curious how you picture him. When I picture an old man, I often picture the guy that Pixar created to play chess, it was the intro to either Monsters Inc, or Toy Story… frail, old, yet witty. This is not Frank at all. He’s this huge bear of a man. I told him today, I feel so tiny beside him. I just care about him, and want him to be ok.  

I also went through the photos again. They are not that bad. It’s like a hair cut. Sometimes, you just need to wait a day. We took 90, and there were about 11 that I really liked. There’s one where I’m wearing this little white lace dress, and a tiny bit of labia is showing. Oh so subtly. Is it wrong that I like that one best? Haha. What’s funny though, is none of them were really really bad. I think I need to start being nicer to myself.

So, funny thing about blogs is I can see how people found my site, sort of. Like search words for example. There are a few I find funny, like “what is like having a dinner date with an escort” or “why do girls become hobby escorts” ha ha, I find it so random. Mmm… dinner dates… so awful… ha ha ha.  

I Have Standards

It’s not that I haven’t been writing… it’s just that I haven’t been working. I had 3 shitty half hour calls on the weekend, and nothing since. And I would like to emphasise the word shitty. Saturday nights was extra special, and it took my whole evening. He called at 8:30, booked me for 10:30. Which means I get no calls in between. And he’s like we’re going to be in the garage. And I ask if there is any furniture in the garage. “Yes, there’s a bed.” Ugh, not excited about this. Also. Because I have a scheduled call, they’re not going to book me on anything that could interfere, when in reality, I could have done a call prior. When I get there, he says we can’t go in, we have to go to a new house. I don’t think I’m getting screwed around, but there’s definite potential for it here. I make him pay me before we change venues. “No, no, no, it’s no problem,” He says. “Oh, good,” I reply, flashing him my beautiful smile, “If it’s no problem, then paying me is no problem.” There’s so much I say with such kindness, but everyone knows, I’m saying, “Don’t fuck me around.” But I’m saying it nicely. He pays me, and he even shows me his drivers licence, so I can see the address of the second venue. It’s just a garage. No “furniture”. In the same tone I say, “Are we going inside?” “No, no, no, there’s no problem” He says again, like that means something. “There’s a mat” “Is that a joke?” I ask him. Nice face gone. “I am not going to fuck you on the floor of a garage.” “No, it’s ok! You’ll be on top!” “No, it’s disgusting. I have standards, and I’m not doing this. I asked you on the phone if there was furniture, and you said yes.” “There’s a chair” He points to a metal folding chair. “No. Listen. I am not doing this. We can go inside, and I will be very quite, but this…” I wave my hand around to indicate the garage, “This is not happening.” So we go back to the first place, in to the garage, and the room with the bed, sorry, “bed”. Fuck. Really… fuck. I don’t know what I was expecting… maybe a lofty, “I rent the space above my garage” kind of thing. That was not what this was. It was a dirty disgusting mattress on the floor. New low maybe? Normally I woulda walked, but like I say. Business hasn’t been slow. It’s been dead. Whatever. I had a blanket in my car, which I use for personal uses (ie picnics), never even occurred to me to ever use it for work, and laid it down. Can I remind you that it was only a half hour call.

So I had my photo shoot. I am not impressed. Seriously not impressed. Alex recommended someone he knew from art school. I’ve seen this woman’s work. She shoots for magazines. She’s amazing! So I’m all excited about it, and she’s arranged for a stylist to do my hair and make up. The stylist she picked did the make up for all the promotional material for fashion week last year. All good. I stressed that I wanted these photos to be classy, and not slutty, like the other girls on the web. We decided to do my hair in big curls, so it will be easy to hide my face in them. The stylist and I didn’t gel well. It was a little awkward. I don’t know why, but there was seriously not a lot of conversation. I don’t know. I guess I’m comparing it too much with the other photos. The photos that may as well not exist because, they never seem to be going up on line, and I don’t get to have them. In those photos I look like a Calvin Klein model (well if Calvin Klein models weighed 125 lbs, ha ha!) The photos we took today looked like me. And they were really good, don’t get me wrong, but with the people I was working with, I kinda expected better. I didn’t like my make up at all. My hair was frizzy, and I looked like a little girl. I’m really upset by it. Ok. Having said that, I looked at them in the studio, and haven’t since. I think I should sleep on it, and have another look. And these pics are untouched. She wants me to pick two from each set, and she will touch them up. I think I may end up with 20 polished pieces, which will be awesome. I need to quit stressing. I’m stressing a lot. My other stupid job is very stressful. Always under the gun, taking up way too much time, and I really didn’t think it would cut into my real job this much. Sorry for being so negative.