People weren't built to be monogamous. It's a concept invented by the Christians.
Prior to getting married people need to have discussions as to what the other is to do, should one partner be no longer able to have sex. Change in hormonal balance, lack of desire, physical or mental injuries, children are all causes for a persons sex drive to deminish, and most of them are unpredictable. What is the other partner supposed to do? They still have needs.
I want to compare monogamy to alcholism. When an alcoholic falls off the wagon, whether it be after ten days or ten years, if they choose, they get back on the wagon, and they start again. It's not easy, and obviously there's work that needs to be done, but they don't throw away all the work that they've already put in. That work still counts for something. This is not the way that monogamy is viewed. One slip up, and it's all over. Families are ripped apart, children are taken away from their parents. Hearts are broken, and you start over. It's awful, and I think it's unessicary.
Monogamy is something that many people often fight so hard to achieve, and it's just unrealistic for most people.
To me the worst thing that happens in cheating is not the physical act, but the breach of trust. When people don't talk to their partners a divide is created. It's fair that people don't say, "I love you, but I'd love to have a ginger every now and then" We are so forced into this view of monogamy, like it's the only option. If your partner tells you they want to try something else, you feel you have failed, when really it has nothing to do with you. My ex LOVES really big boobs. Loves them. And I have small boobs. So I let him go have girls with big boobs. There was no sneaking around. I would know about all of them, and they would all know about me. And they knew damn sure that I was his first priority. There was one girl who thought she could take my place and she was gone so fast. I was secure in my relationship with him and I was secure with his love for me. There were things that he wanted that I couldn't/wouldn't provide, but who was I to deny that from him. To deny him fun!? That's not love.
In order for this type of relationship to be a success, you both need to be very much on the same page, and you need to be communicating. You can't just go to your plus one and say, "I love you, and I'd like to see other people." You also need to look after the home front first. Having sex with others because you don't want to have sex with your plus one is not fair.
Trust is paramount. Without it you have nothing. One of the major reasons for the demise in our relationships
I was told that not feeling responsible for the state of a mans marriage was like a drug dealer not feeling responsible for an addicts drug problems. There is truth behind that, but it's also like saying car manufactures need to take responsibility for the accidents that occurred in their vehicles. To take it a step further. Cigarettes . Has there been a law suite that has succeeded against them? I don't know. Do I hold them responsible for the cancer they cause. I hold them responsible for the addictive substances they have added to their cigarettes, and I hold them responsible for marketing youth. I didn't pick up a cigarette until I was 23, and I am still a non-smoker. The choice I made was to not have the second cigarette. People are not being held responsible for the choices they make. So as an escort, I feel that I am a symptom of the problem. I am not the problem. The problem started long before my client, the husband, picked up the phone and called me. I have been in discussions where views have differed, and I respect that. It's not my job to change one's mind, but when things get insulting or people question my integrity... it's important to choose ones words carefully
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