brain vomit

My computer was in the shop for a week, and I brought it home, and downloaded the anti virus software as instructed, and it got all trojaned up again. I phoned them tonight, and dude left his house to re-open the shop to fix my computer. Awesome. But now he's like, "as a thank you we should go for drinks"... ugh.. am I allowed to say no? I don't feel like I am. He was nice... ugh... My other job is forcing me to re-learn time management, and it seems that I never have time to write any more. It's midnight, and I'm very tired. Sorry for this lame post, and the general lack of posts. I also got in a huge fight  with Alex yesterday about the fact that he has told pretty much every mutual person we know about my job. Most of my other friends say I should drop him because, but I love him. He really is a wonderful amazing person. Don't know what to do about that. I was thinking of quitting my other job, because it's really not working for me, I'm loosing huge bucks, and my boss a bit of a not-so-passive agressive bitch, but my co-worker quit today. If I quit, that would kind of fuck her. I don't want to do that. I lost my keys this morning. Andrew drove me to work, then found my keys, then drove my car to my work. He wins the hero of the week award. We've discussed(ish) our relationship. We're officially fuckbuddies. I like it. I'm getting work photos taken on wednesday by an amazing photographer, I'm very excited. Debating whether I am going to post them here. Depends on how they turn out. Curious what I look like???  I love the lady who does my waxing. Because I sit there all spread eagle style as she rips hair out of my naughty bits, I tend to over-share. It's kind of hilarious. Good Night...I'm going to bed.

3 for 3

~Written May 25~

It's kind of a long story so I'll make it short. There was an incident last year when someone "broke my slut" I was disrespected and I decided I was not going to have casual sex anymore. "this," I figured, referring to my body, "is worth more than that." ~insert hooker joke here~ So I went through three gay pride celebrations, a road trip and the whole summer with out having much sex at all. And although there were no regrets, I did feel like I was missing out. Point of my little story; I think my slut has been fixed.

As I mentioned the other day, I feel like I've been walking around with a permanent erection. So turned-on all the time. We just had a long weekend kicking off the summer and, perhaps it was the Mexican training, but fuck I partied hard. To the point where I barely worked at all cause I was either drunk or recovering all weekend. Saturday night some of my straight friends and I went bar hopping and by the end of the night found myself this hot little 20 year old to take home. In my defence, I didn't plan on hooking up with him. I just wanted to share a cab downtown, but we all ended up going for food, and then he started nibbling on me... And well one thing leads to another. My friend was sure to check his ID before I was allowed to take him home. Make sure he was of consenting age. The next morning I told him I thought he looked a little like Freddy Prince Jr. He didn't know who that was. Ha ha ha. So young! Although the sex wasn't outstanding, it was still soo much better than work sex. It left me satisfied for sure. It's so weird how different it is, and how different I am. I wonder if I was more myself if I would make more money. I kind of don't care, like the little patch of hair I refuse to shave, there are some things I have to keep for myself.

That's not even the best part of my story! The NEXT night our little local gay bar was hosting an event. I was tired and a little partied out... And in all honesty, this is an annual event and the last two years I did quite well with the ladies, now I just don't feel like I have the same game as I used to. I didn't want to ruin my streak. I was feeling poopy until I had the first drink in my hand, then game on. And I'd given up on my ambition of hooking up. Just have fun. And I did! A lot of fun, and I got a few numbers too. Alex and I left when the lights came back on and the staff shuffled us all out onto the street where we take our last drag for the night and try to hail a cab. We are literally driving away when Alex sees this guy he's been eying up and makes the driver stop so I can call out his name. Andrew mosies on over (yes, he mosied) in his white chaps and cute little bootie shorts and leans on the side of the cab. Now what exactly was said, I don't remember, but Detective Alex establishes that this fine young man is in fact straight. "Straight!" I say, "Well I should get your number!" As we were driving away Alex was going on about how hot he was, and I was busy drunk texting. "Dear Andrew. I think you're fucking hot. Sincerely, Realme. P.S. ..." and then I included my address. Listen! Before you judge, he was wearing white chaps and little bootie shorts. No shirt, just that. What was I supposed to do??? But for the record, that was the single ballsiest thing I've ever done. Ok, this story is going on to long. I'm going to try to cut it short. He came over around 3:30 am and we chatted for ever, and turns out he's quite kinky! Hmmm and he's now running in the same circles I used to. Made me feel old. Afterwards, after everything, I had the urge to be honest with him. I find there to be more intimacy in kink, and it's hard to hold back. So I told him, "I'm an escort," "Ok,” he says. I look at him, expecting something more. "What?” he shrugs, “So am I,” He says, all casual like. What?!?! I was FLABBERGASTED! Ha ha.

So it’s been just over a week since that happened, and we’ve hung out a bit, with plans for more hang out. I told him, and I meant it, that I have no idea what I’m going to do with him. He’s young. I don’t know if I want to date him, he’s really secretive, which, more power to him, I wish I was. But I’m not, and I have a hard time with evasive answers. Point being; I’m needy. And I think all people are needy, they just learn how to manage it (or they don’t) and that’s where the infamous ‘game playing’ comes in. I’m trying to be stand-offish, and play it cool, but I think I’m just coming off as a bitch. I don’t know how to date. Not that we are, I just don’t know how to do this, whatever it is. It’s probably not going to last long. I do enjoy fucking him though, and I wouldn’t mind getting to know him. 

The End.

Stay Tuned

Don't touch that dial! My computer comes back from the shop tomorrow!

eff technology

So my little blog readers, I've never had a computer crash on me, but I think the time has come, as it does for everyone. I don't know what's wrong with it, but it's almost impossible to open Explorer, or Firefox, or anything that will get me to the internet. It's greatly furusterating, and I've put an all call out for computer repair friends via facebook. Hopefully this will be remidied shortly. In the mean time, all things must go through my iphone, which sucks, cause it's uber hard to edit, so I'm not promising any more posts in the near future.

So while I'm not writing, please write me!!! I would so love to hear from you! As it stands this week, I have more readers in the Ukraine than in my home country. Hello Ukrainians! And Hello to my readers in Kenya, and India and Australia! I love that my silly nonsense is spanning the globe. I'm blaming the website for getting no feedback. I think somethings wrong with it. But like I say, I would love to hear your views; good, bad, or indifferent, and if you write, I promise I'll write back ;) And if you want, I can post your comments on my blog for you. My email addy is alisonsblog2032@gmail.com

The More You Get The More You Want

My new job is cutting into my old jobs schedule. Not because of the actual time it takes up, but because with the agency it's first come first serve. This is why I usually book on at 8 in the morning. Now, when I book on at 2 or later, after I'm done with my new job, I usually have to wait until late in the evening to get my first call. Point of my little story: my libido is out of control right now. Having to wait until the middle of the night to get some is the biggest tease. I've already gotten myself off once today, and I'm debating doing it again. And hold on a second; I don't want you thinking that the sex I'm having is good sex. I would say about 12% of the action I see could be considered as being ‘good’ or better. When I do my job, when I'm feeding him into me, I often can't help think how ridiculous the whole thing is. It's funny how my job almost never turns me on. It's so weird. I won't say I don't feel it physically when I'm getting fucked. Of course I do. It just doesn't translate into arousal. Just in and out and heavy breathing. So weird. I think I mentioned before, one of the primary reasons why I hooked up with Jake the first time, was cause I was curious as to how it would be different than work. Would it be the same, just anonymous in and out? Putting the energy that was between Jake and I that night aside, I fucked him as myself. As Realme. No holding back, all the kinks were on the table. With my clients, I am very much myself emotionally. I tell them what ever they want to know about me, (except for things that would give them access to my life) but when it comes to sex with them, I'm not myself at all. I'm just a sexy compassionate hole for my clients. For the longest time I identified as a kinky bottom. Meaning I liked my sex with a healthy dose of getting smacked around. I would never share this part of myself with a client though. Sure I let them slap my ass from time to time, but I put myself in a situation where a client thinks it’s ok to hit me. Under any circumstances. Nor would I ever allow one to tie me up. The slope is just to slippery. I don’t know how kinky I am any more though. I dated (and almost married) man almost twice my age because he was the kinkiest person I knew. I ended a relationship with the most beautiful girl because the sex was just too plain (or vanilla, as we kinksters call it) Lately I'm finding the porn I used to cream over very disturbing. What happened to my kink? My sexuality is never my identity, but it has always been a big part of my life. The only thing I know for sure, is that my sexuality is fluid. 

Real World? I Did Not Agree To This.

I actually worked 7 hours today. I haven’t put in a full day (yes, I’m aware that 7 hours does not 
make a full day ~ semantics) in 6 months. I am tired. I know that there really isn’t anyone in the 
world I can complain to, because everyone has to work. But still, there is an adjustment process. 
I was up at 6:30 this morning. My day was pretty easy though. I will fully admit that. I had to wait 
for a delivery company to drop off kitchen appliances, walk a dog, then spend 2 hours cleaning 
a house. And here I am now, almost ready to go to bed, feeling all mellow and listening to Moby. 
I have a lot of little stories I want to tell you about. Mini blogs, I guess.

First: I hear quite often that strippers are crazy. Poor girls, and their bad raps. I went to college 
with a stripper. I would not describe her as crazy, but she was definitely… fun. Frankly I don’t 
know enough escorts to form an opinion of them as a whole, but… I’m starting to. I had an idea
for getting more business, so I approached my boss with it, via email

Hi

Almost every client I have asks me for my personal number so that they don't have to go through the agency. I have no idea why men don't like going through the agency so much, but the last thing I want in the world is for them to have my personal cell phone number. I was thinking of getting a pay as you go phone, so that I could give them that number. I would still call it in, and I would still pay the standard $70. I just feel like we're losing so much business because of this. And if you would like, I could even give you the phone records. I know how you felt about the photos, so I would understand if you are not crazy about this idea, but I thought I would run it by you any way.

From Alison

Part of me knew she might not like the idea. Which is why I said, “if you don’t like it…” I tried to couch it very gently. I get a blocked call at 3:47 am (which I do not answer) and then wake up to this email:

Hahaha...
This is a business at the end of the day and you would never have met the clients had they not of called the agency !! A professional lady know how to deflect this approach. If you think you are losing clients by cutting our contact number out perhaps independent is more suited for you and tour clientele, I have 20 years experience and have not lost clients by giving out my personal number. Maybe you should talk you some of our highly requested ladies as to how they handle this request. This absolutely NOT an option. We keep track of the general to call back ratio and know by numbers who gives out private numbers. Clients will try and approach ladies to eventually get a deal from you. Agencies recognize loyal ladies that respect the business and appreciate they're privacy  and don't give out other numbers. 

Holy Shit! Aggressive much? No To/From, Nothing. I was pretty taken aback by the whole thing. I know she’s really protective of her agency and her business, but if I was going to fuck her around, I would just fuck her around. I wouldn’t tell her about it first! Man. I didn’t really know how to respond to that so I replied with:

Hi,


I hope my email didn't upset you. As I said, I have no intentions of giving out my private number, nor have I ever in the past. All of my clientele come through the agency, whether it be generals, sun ads or call backs, and I plan on keeping it that way. I hope by this email you don't think that I'm not loyal. As I mentioned, even with the new number I would of run all the calls through the agency. I assure you though, I will not get a separate phone. It was just an idea I had. Thanks for your feed back.


Alison

She responded a bit later, in a much calmer fashion. I think it’s friends-on again. Man o man.

I have to go to work now. Thank goodness. My new job is chewing into all of my time. It’d be nice to actually make some money. I’m just going to post now, cause when I get home, it will be bed time for me.

~~~

Who am I kidding, I can never sleep right after work. Tonight was a new one. It was a two girl call, which is not unusual, but there are usually two guys. With this guy, there was only one guy here. I find this out as we are walking up to the door. Even with the two girl/two guy calls, there’s a pre-chat. Well both of us got super lost getting to the place, so I think it had us distracted. Our pre-chat consisted of “Have you ever been with a girl?” “Uhh, no, have you?” “Yes.” And we’re there. Lol. No ‘are you comfortable with it/boundaries’ Nothing along those lines. And the guy paid us considerably extra to interact with each other. So side note: like I say, I’ve worked with several of our girls, and this is the first one I’ve been attracted too. She had a natural beauty to her. Not a lot of make up was needed, and she was voluptuous. Sexy curves. It was dark, mostly, so I couldn’t really tell where she was from, but she looked Hawaiian. Beautiful Girl. From talking to her on the way out, it sounded like she had been doing it for a while, but, in there, she seemed very shy and inexperienced. It was a little awkward. I tried to make moves to get with her, but she was really having none of it. Silly straight girl. Oh well. It was nice to touch boobs again. I’ve pretty much given up on dating women. Alex is baffled by it. My ability to flirt with guys vs. the complete awkward nervousness that comes over me when I’m attracted to a girl. “Just say Hi!” “No! I can’t” That kind of retardedness. Men are easier. And I think I could be happier with a man. It’s like I’m not bi, I’m either straight or gay. I swing  back and forth like a pendulum, but I don’t often pursue both genders. This was not the direction this entry was supposed to take. Oh well. Tired. Sleep now.

Whilst Stumbling...

Have you heard about stumbleupon.com? Well don't check it out. You'll never see the light of day again. It is my addiction, it is the bane of my existence...

However

I stumbled upon this... it's pretty much my biography, I love it

http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/2Z4wJO/thoughtcatalog.com/2011/in-defense-of-sex/

I'm supposed to be cleaning my apartment

Ode to the Goddesses

How would your life look in five years if, from now on, you were to make establishing an identity as a desiring, sexually satisfied woman one of your most important goals and were to pursue it actively as well as passively?

Ummm

I had a client purr in my lap today. My job is a joke. 'nuff said. 

oh... and yes, I did laugh openly at him.  

but it was his first time smoking weed, and he was really high, so it was ok. 

Big

No I'm not talking about Sex in the City's Big played by Chris Noth, it's the 1988 movie played by Tom Hanks. You know, the one where he makes a wish at a fair and wakes up in an adults body. He goes on to by a loft and fill it with a trampoline, pin ball machine, basketball hoop and rides around on his bike. I'm not entirely convinced this movie is fictional. The more I get invited into the lives of men, the more I believe that there actually this genie in a glass metal display case travelling the country, nay, the world disguising boys as men. We've all heard of Peter Pan Syndrome, but I think it goes beyond that.

My inspiration for this comes from my call the other night. It was a late call and I arrived shortly after 2 am. It was a Thursday night and the guy was just hanging out with his Irish room mate jamming in the basement. My client, Josh, was on the guitar and definitely had some musical talent, but the roomie, on the drums was obviously just along for the ride. He was less talented. Ha ha. But everyone was having fun! It was hilarious. They wanted me on vocals but I told them if he was hiring me for my musical talent, he was going to want his money back. I survey the room, it's at the tail end of being renovated (by Josh) the amp is sitting on the pool table, next to the foooze ball table. Across from the drum set is a basketball hoop thing that automatically rolls the ball back to you. And of course there was the flat screen and various gaming systems. Now I've seen some man caves in my day, but none put together with the same level of seriousness as this one. They didn't give a fuck what it looked like. Entertainment purposes only. And the fact that they paid a woman to be there only made me respect them more.

This is what they don't tell you in high school. For most teens the only examples of adults they see are their parents. Responsibility laden, stressed out, saddled with children; a good life maybe, but I don't think its the immediate goals of the majority of young adults. I realised this shortly after I graduated, but when you're in your 20's you're FREE! It is the most responsibility free you are ever going to get (well at least until retirement, and who wants to think about that!) In your 20's money might be tight, but you can live whatever kind of life you want! Especially if your single. Wanna go camping, phone a friend. Wanna smoke some weed, do it. Get a hobby. Become an escort. Whatever. Do what you want. Follow your bliss. Now’s your chance. Do it before you spawn or, god forbid, get a real job. I think Josh should go to schools and give motivational speeches. Suicide rates would drop  It doesn't just get better for gays (as Dan Savage says) it gets better for everyone. Fuck your classmates. Move out of your parents. Pick your life.

Ally's first day!

~Written May 12~

Today was my first real day with my faux job. I still think this its completely ridiculous. I still can’t believe I actually got a job with the company I’ve been using as an alibi for the last six months. This is not a big company. It’s like a staff of five, and I actually got in! For the first half of my day I was totally thinking who much the whole thing is a joke. Frankly, I didn’t like returning to the real world. It was a bit of an adjustment, not owning my own time. But the funny thing is, I knew I can't complain to any of my friends because even this real job is a joke. It's like I'm doing volunteer work, and what better cause than helping really wealthy people. I just try not to think of how much money I’m losing while doing it. I had to pass up two calls while working. The job is a concierge job. For my first half of the day (started at 9) we went to three different grocery stores, then had an orientation, the went to this house and made a fruit platter. That was 7 hours at $15/hr. Ha ha ha. I just try not to think of how much money I’m not making. As the day progressed I realised that the Powers That Be must really fucking love me. Seriously. Maybe it was that Mexican God I fucked on vacation that got me all this good Karma. My boss knows about my job and she's cool with it. Like not just cool with it but when my real job called she said I could go if I needed too. I can choose my own hours. I can work from home.  She’s going to get me a cell phone. The actual job is right up my alley. And if I do have to go into the office, it’s a bike ride away. And yes, Andrea is a bit picky (ok, super picky) which made me nervous at first (I don’t like micro-managers… really though, does anyone?), but the more I get to know her the more I realise our OCD's are exactly the same. I really think we are going to do well together. And if it doesn't work out, I will hang around long enough to collect the stories for my parents. All in all it was a really good day. I go to work tomorrow at 1 for a half day. Tough life I have. Sigh.

Sell Out

~Written May 11~

So I got a job today. A real job. I applied with them back in November, interviewed in January, and they called me while I was in Mexico to see if I was still interested. The thing about this job is it's the job I'm using as my cover story. My family is constantly asking me questions about what I do on a day to day basis, so if I were actually able to be employed by them, that would be PERFECT. I had a family dinner the day and I think my aunt tried to trip me up. Luckily I didn't realize this at the time or I would have totally fumbled. She asked me if my boss, "whats her name?" "Andrea." "Right, does she look Ukrainian?" "what?! Uhhh, I don't know" and I think, what the hell does a Ukrainian person look like? See the thing is, like I say, I've interviewed with her, so I've met her. Not knowing the answer my aunt is looking for I start describing the woman. I seriously think my family is on to me. As I mentioned, I'm sure it's not a matter of if they find out, but when. And that's the primary reason I'm taking this job (for $2 less an hour than my old desk job) is so that I can send my mom a 'by the way' email from their domain name. 

I had to get my suit tailored a little before the interview. I bought it back in the day when I was planning on working a real job and never ended up needing it. While trying it on I thought to myself, "what the fuck am I doing?" I feel like I'm selling out. I feel like I'm quitting what I love to do what's right. It doesn't feel right. But I'm only doing it part time. I told Andrea that. I was also up front with her about my present career, and that I am going to continue doing it. I cannot create and sustain a third fake life for this job.  I'm doing it so that I have the stories and the antidotes and the alibi for my parents. 

As for my own real long term plans... Well part of the reason  for this was that I had no plan. No direction. No idea what I wanted to "with the rest of my life" Man, what dooming and looming words. No wonder it's such a struggle for most people. REST OF YOUR LIFE. Frick. So much pressure. People always told me "figure out what you're interested in, and make that into you're career" Frankly I think that's mostly a load of horse shit. People who work in offices, ie engineers did not follow their bliss, but they seem to be loaded. I hated being told to follow my interests, because I spend most of my free time hanging out with friends. I am a really social person. Extrovert to the extreme sometimes. That is my interest. Little vague to turn into a job. Alex and I were talking about goals and plans and what not and he told me that I should make a list of my top 5 dream jobs. And I told him right away that being an escort would be on the list. Andrea also asked my why I got into this job, and I told her, because I wanted to. She was quite surprised. I feel like as much as I tell people, they don't believe me. I like my job. I chose my job. I was never abused, nor do I have a substance abuse problem. As I mentioned Alex and I were talking about this and he said I should become a sex therapist. And it was like a light went on. "find out what you love doing and turn it into a career." I never though sex counted. And my interest in sex goes way beyond just the bump and grind of it. It's always been there. Like I said in my first post, I've always been a little weird. When I was 8, I found my moms copy of The Joy of Sex and READ the whole book... Then of course I went to try the new things with the neighbour boy (so much was lost in translation) When I was 20 I found a huge text book on human sexuality and read that cover to cover. Peoples sexual obstacles fascinate me. And maybe fascinate is the wrong word, but my friends tell me stories of not being able to orgasm, having a hard time getting erect (and being scorned for it) having labia reduction surgery, being circumcised at the age of 15, being made fun of because of their smell, and that's not even including abuses. All of these things happen to people, and it's shitty. And it scaring. I want to help people feel ok about themselves.

What's hilarious is I still feel awkward about discussing it with my parents. I told my brother and he's like "you know you're going to have to specialise." I didn't tell him that was the idea. I'm going to the university tomorrow. When I know more I will have something to tell them.

Do You Trust Me?

I think, bottom line, any time I trust a client, I’m the one getting fucked. But I am learning. For instance, if I have a regular client who I see several times, and then one time, he’s a little short, and he’ll pay me next time; I’ll never see him again. If I have a client who I get along with really well, and we have great conversations, he’ll push for as much as he can get, but he’ll do it with all the charm in the world. If I have a client who claims/appears to have a lot of money, he will make promises of repeat business if he can have a little extra. I can’t help but get a little bitter about this. I think people in other professions don’t have to deal with this. Then I realised, yes they do. I’ve never been a bar tender, but I bet some hot chick behind the bar has guys charming her all the time in attempts for free drinks, and when I worked at the hotel, sooo many times people would put on their sweet face in hopes for an up-grade. Some times it worked, some times it didn’t. Point being: I’m not that special. I feel less bitter now.

Yesterday I fucked the Vice President of one of the biggest oil and gas companies in the world. And, you know, people tell me stuff, and I totally take it with a grain of salt. Especially this guy. Vice President? Wouldn’t he be Vice CEO or something. He gave me his business card and it said “Vice President”, but still I googled him when I got home. Sure enough. There he is picture and everything. He wants to take me to South America. Ha ha. I can just imagine. Talk about trust. Have you seen the movie Taken? I have. What I find most amusing about this guy is he tells me he’s Mr. Business at work, he never mingles with his co-workers, never hangs out with him on a social level. He doesn’t mix business and pleasure. Then he wants my personal number. Hilarious. They just don’t get it. So instead of shutting him down, I praise him for his smart business tactics, and say I do the same thing. When he asks for my number again, I then shut him down. Very nicely of course, with a coy look on my face.

I have this other client. I mentioned him around the end of February. I think I shall name him Beastly. Because he is. He’s actually a really nice guy. He’s in med school because he wants to be a pediatrician. (And I think that he wouldn’t be appropriate one, because he sees me. Even though I feel totally comfortable with what I do, the hypocritical judgment is still there) But the reason why I think he’d be such a good pediatrician is because he has such a big easy smile, and a hair cut that in a few years is going to look just like Side Show Bobs. I saw him today and I was thinking that he is one of my favourite clients. He is my only regular who doesn’t push for more. He’s funny, and nice, and respects the rules. I was kinda distracted by thinking of this when he went in for a passionate kiss (which was not paid for) It was so unexpected, it ended in disaster, and I now have a bit of a fat lip. I also left his place with a bit of a hickey, aaaannd bite slight bite marks on my inner thigh. He is no longer my favourite client. He did tip me well for ~ahem~ damages done (it really wasn’t that bad) and said that there really isn’t an amount that he could pay me because the time spent with me is priceless. I laugh, and tell him he could make a MasterCard ad: Pre Med, a gazillion dollars, On Campus Apartment: Thousands, Time With Alison: Priceless. He is a really good guy, I’m just going to have a little chat with him next time about his biting. Ha ha.

Put Your Hand In My Piscado And Pull Out Some Money

That was the running joke of the trip that I just went on. The title was going to be, ‘Take me to Mexico? Bitch, I’ll take you to Mexico!’ I have a pretty strong independent streak. In Spanish piscado means fish, and I have a little fish purse that I took on my trip with me. Early April I had my best weekend yet and the money was burning a whole in my pocket. Even before this, I had discovered that Jake and I have the same dream vacation (of course) which would be to go way up north and watch the aurora borealis. He added the nice twist of watching them whilst on ‘srooms. When I said “Lets do it then, I can make this happen” He was not down for that. Jake likes to be a gentleman, and having a sugga momma would not fly with him. Alex on the other hand, he’s a lady! I was telling him about what Jake (mutual friend) said and I asked him, “Would you go on a trip with me?” and he said “Mmmm… Yes” So we looked at all the flights going everywhere in the world and booked Puerta Vallarta! It was surreal. Is this actually happening? Before the flight I gave him cash so that he didn’t have to ever ask for money, but in the end we just had a communal wallet, or piscado in our case, in which we just pulled money from when ever we needed. It may have been the best trip of my life, but that’s hard to say because every trip I go on is so different. This was non-stop party, and Alex is the best travel companion I could imagine. 

Puerta Vallarta is very gay friendly and they have a whole gay neighbourhood in Old Puerta Vallarta, where we spent most of our time. We did gay pub crawls, gay booze cruises, and took in drag shows. Gay is sex, and sex was everywhere. There were go-go dancers at every venue, and I was constantly giving them money to entertain Alex. It was such a strange dichotomy. I will admit I found them teasing Alex highly amusing, as did he, but for 50 pesos, Alex could give them a hand job. That’s roughly $5 CAD/USD. I’m having a hard time resolving that with myself. It’s just so fucked up. I would never be able to do what they do either. Gender aside. They are entertaining all the boys. I’m not saying they’re fucking all of them, but on the booze cruise, there was a 1:10 ratio dancers to boys, and they were making all the guys feel like they had a chance with them.

Well… except for one. Mario, Mario, where for art thy Mario… My Gawd, he was so hot! Listen, I know the sex trade industry, and it baffles me when my clients think that I actually like them. (and I’m not saying I dislike my clients, but I don’t dis/like them any more than any of the clients I had at a hotel… it’s the service industry, team) But Mario knew he wasn’t getting any money from me, and he made it clear that he just wanted me*. I kinda blew his gay cover and probably his tips for the day. Oh man! Anyway got of topic there, he’s rather distracting. What I’m trying to get at is I couldn’t do his job. I couldn’t share my energy like that with so many people at once. And it’s not an emotional ‘couldn’t’, it’s a technical, tangible ‘couldn’t’, I just wouldn’t know how to do it. And I think if I did, it would be then I would feel whorish. As I write this, I think about the technical, tangible aspects of it, and maybe I would like it… but not with men. They are so vulgar, so grabby, but with women… lol… mmm, maybe. They’re more sensual and rubby, lol. I still don’t know though. There was a guy on the boat and he was joking about how he would tip his prostitutes 20 pesos. At this point I was assuming (and I’m still hoping) prostitutes cost more than 50 pesos. Alex put his hand on my arm, as if to say, “Take it easy… don’t kill the little fag” Oh man, I hated that guy, and he loved Alex. Every time I turned around he was there. The whole trip. I wanted to hold his head under the water. Not for too long, just for a bit of fun though. If a guy thinks he can treat me like that on the job, I warn him once, then I walk away. With his money.

So, all that being said, lets bring gender back into the picture. It seemed that all of these gay male go-go dancers were actually straight. And I think that sucks even more. I talked to Mario about it a bit. I asked him if he was bi. He’s like, “mmm, I don’t know.” Simple way to the bottom of that. “Do you get turned on by men?” I ask. He has this pensive look in his eyes and it makes me a little sad. Like he’s trying to justify it, “Well, when guys rub me I’ll get hard, any kinda friction can get a guy hard. I can do my job, but no, I’m not turned on.” This is why I hate the sex trade industry. People who don’t want to do it shouldn’t have to do it. There’s so much bad in it. But then again, I compare this to other jobs in the service industry. Like I said before, there were times I felt so dirty being nice to the complete pricks who thought they could abuse me because I worked behind a counter. So many times I’ve had to swallow my tongue. I had to pay my bills. And the same with Mario. When he left my hotel room (yeah, I went there) I saw what he was wearing. From his clothes it looked like he was able to pay his bills just fine. He also worked as a dancer at one of the gay night clubs too. I told Mario that we have similar jobs, but I never actually told him what I do. I really wanted to talk to him though. I think it would have been a really interesting discussion. I rarely work with my co-workers, and when I do, it’s (obviously) on a really shallow superficial level. I don’t really have a peer that I can discuss these things with. I really find it so fascinating other peoples perspectives.

I don’t know. It’s all so weird. So many layers. So many different aspects to it all. So many opportunities for abuse and exploitation. It’s hard to wrap your head around it. 

Please comment and let me know what you think. So far there haven’t been any comments, and a friend told me she was unable to comment. If you try and can’t, email me at alisonsblog2032@gmail.com and I will post it for you. And don’t forget to tell me which blog it’s in reference to.

*I re-read that sentence and laugh at my own hypocrisy. Right, realhim wanted realme. Sure. It wasn’t that it was just his job to make me feel like that, or he was just desperate for some sort of release after hours of having a half chub. There were other guys on the boat that showed their attraction to me (me being the only female on the boat), and I just dismiss it. Like it doesn’t count, or they don’t know that I’m actually not that attractive, or they’re just being nice. Do girls who are actually beautiful get told they’re beautiful all the time? In my mind they don’t, people would be too shy. That’s how I’m able to dismiss my compliments. Maybe I have ugly duckling syndrome. Even into my early 20’s I had no sense of style, had no idea what to do with my ridiculous frizzy hair (hello, I’d like to introduce you to a hair straightener!) never wore make up, and I never fit in at school. Even in college I was a bit of a leper. So I still kinda see myself as that girl. I want to say, if they could only see me now! Well they would see a prostitute, but that’s not my point! Do I make any sense at all?

Joke of the Post: We made several good friends in Mexico, and I didn't voluntarily tell people what I did for a living, but if it came up in convo, or if someone asked I would tell them. Who cares, we're in Mexico. But the funny thing is I was less afraid of people judging me for the job and more afraid of people judging me for the package. I think I wore make up once, and Alex was constantly joking that a squirrel lived in my hair, it was such a curly mess. I certainly wasn't looking my best down there, but I clean up good, ok?! And in all honesty, everyone I told thought it was really cool. I know that not everyone has these views, which is why I'm guarded about it. However, I do think the people I gravitate to, and who gravitate to me are awesome. 

I Love Being Negative

~written April 22~

I just had a ‘Heart Wrenching/Oh My Fucking God/What am I going to do?!?’ moment. Then I realised that I read the test wrong. Now I’m just recovering from a heart attack. I’m not pregnant!!! Woo-hoo! Ha ha ha ha. Fuck, my heart is still pounding and I’m still trying to regulate my breathing. I have been very cranky today and stressing over every little thing. I have also been eating everything in sight the last few weeks. Confession, there was an incident last month were a guy was a little careless with his spooge control, and some got on my (outer) area. I washed it off, but… those guys swim, so it’s always been in the back of my mind. Combine that with the fact that I downloaded this app on my iphone that keeps track of my cycle. I am currently 18 days late. This should not be a big deal. I am always  late. I don’t have a cycle, it just comes when it feels like it. It’s been that way since the beginning. But rather than waiting for my period, I just needed the peace of mind, so head over to the drug store and buy the friggen test. It was on sale. “Good luck” the cashier says to me. “Thanks,” I say. I take it home and into the bathroom I go. And this is so typically me. I read some of the instructions, but not all of them. I get the gist of it. I did, ironically enough, read the part where it says ‘Read all of the instructions prior to taking the test’ How hard can it be? Pee on the stick look for the stripe. Actually, it’s kinda hard if you’re nervous (so what if I’ve done this before.) I’m prepared, I’m peed in a jar and dipped the stick in the jar. There’s a square and a circle. The square starts going pink. Freaking out… ok, that just shows that it’s working… the pink starts creeping into the circle. The circle turns pink… I start hyperventilating… the pink fades, and turns to a stripe… I stumble out of the bathroom. I’m laughing, laughing at the irony. What do I do? I got a stripe, I’m pregnant! Do I call someone? I’m pregnant. It’s happened. My biggest fear has happened. What do I do? Do I call someone? I have to call my doctor. Wait. Calm down. Read the instructions. Be sure. Illustrations! There are illustrations to show the different possible results. Ok. Find mine. Blank square, stripe in circle. “Negative: No line in the result window and one lone in the control window is a negative result and you are not pregnant.” I like that last part the best. “You are not pregnant” I wanted to start laughing again, but I couldn’t breath. I’m on the bathroom floor, still gripping the counter. My heart is pounding out of my chest. I’m still hyperventilating. Fuck. That’s all I can think. Fuck. You know how that word has 79 meanings. This isn’t the ‘life as I know it is over’ “fuck” this is the ‘That bullet I just dodged was so close, I felt it graze me’ kinda fuck. I sit like that for about half a minute wondering if I’m going to start crying. I decide I’m not and feel the need to move on from this as quickly as possible. “Are you happy now?” I scold myself, “You feel better now that that’s out of your system? It’s a sunny day out, shall we go run in traffic now?” Seriously. Fuck.

I thought about it though. Walking up to the store to buy the test. I thought about what I would do. I wouldn’t have kept it. I want to have kids so bad, but I couldn’t have done it like this. This thing will become a person, who will grow up, who will become an angry teenager, and want to know who his or her father is. What would I say? Your mother was a whore? You’re not only a bastard, but the product of that…? I couldn’t have a client’s baby.

Bit Geeky

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