Welcome Home

   Tomorrow is my first day back at work. I wish that I could never go back. I've been gone so long. It's funny, I think about my reluctance to go back to work, and I check myself; is it because of my job, and I don't want to do what I do, or is it because, like everyone after vacation, I just don't want to go back to work. I just don't want to go back to work! I love my job. I'm looking forward to the new people that I'm going to meet. I think that's one of my favorite things about my job is meeting cool new people all the time. But, yes, I am emotionally preparing myself for my first new client in a month to be a douche, because my heart has been so open for so long, but I'm hoping for another kindrid spirit. 

   I debated telling you about my time off and my vacation, because it is not work related, and it was quite a personal experience, but it affected me so deeply, how can I not? ~There's no 'time' in writing, you don't feel my pauses, but there was a long one there~ I spent 7 days in Nevada at a festival called Burning Man. This festival is very well known amongst my circle of friends, but I had never heard of it prior to them. It's in the middle of the desert and the premise of it is Radical Self Reliance. It's an arts festival, and a place where you can go and truly express yourself. TRULY.  And what goes along with free expression is this massive amount of love. I believe that everyone there was their truest most beautiful self. And by everyone, I mean all 50,000 of them. There were a lot of people. Take this opportunity to google Burning Man 2011. I'd post a link, but there's just too much greatness to point you in one specific direction. So that's Burning Man in a nutshell. How did it affect me? I already live with a really open heart, but at home, there are so many things that make you want to guard yourself; reading the news, angry drivers, day to day challenges where people who could help you, don't. Imagine this. Imagine someone coming into your kitchen and asking for directions, you can either help them, or not, but "Stay a while, have a beer." Imagine stopping people in the street for the soul purpose of hugging them. Imagine saying good morning to everyone you see, and mean it with all your heart. Imagine a Hi-5 with a stranger turning into a passionate kiss, never to see him again. Imagine trading your deepest darkest secret for a Bloody Mary, then having the bar tender laughing heartily at it. Then put everyone in brightly coloured costumes. Amazing. Breath taking. Utopic. Most people come in a camp (group of 10-20 people) and most camps offer something. Around thursday (day 4) I caved and went to the hair washing camp. (Worst idea for my hair, as it is naturally curely, and turned it into a somewhat clean brilo-pad) I ended up staying and washing other peoples hair for two hours. It was so beautiful. It feel so good to give back. Everyone was so grateful. I was so grateful. The only reason I left was because I needed food. Living like this for a week changed my soul. I'm hoping I can carry the ways I changed with me. It was very hard coming home. My first thought the morning I woke up was, "Whose going to hug me now." 

   I was mostly honest when people asked what I did. Not a lot of people ask, but some did. One guy whose hair I was washing asked, and I told him. His response was "Word." I don't know what that means. lol. I was biking with a friend of a friend, who was rapidly becoming a friend of mine and he asked. I told him the truth. Everyone in my circle knows anyway, and although I didn't know him that well, I figured it would only be a matter of time before he found out. AND I didn't want to lie. He was fascinated and asked all the typical questions. I have no problems with this. Everyone is super interested because they usually don't know anyone else who does it. I welcome the questions, and the conversations, and especially the jokes. But we were talking about it, and it was such a beautiful day outside and everything in my world was rosy. I cut him off mid-question, and asked if he would mind that we not talk about it. I've never not wanted to talk about it before, but at that moment things were just too perfect, who the hell wants to talk about work. 

   Aaaand I met someone. To make a long story short, there's this kind of dating camp. It's more of a pairing camp than a dating camp... well they advertise themselves as a soul mate camp... sooo... ha ha ha. Whatever. I was given the rough address of his tent, his name, and a fairly detailed (and hilarious) self-profile. ~by far my favourite part was where he said his best physical feature was his olive skin, than squished in the word lustrous above olive. I tried for over an hour to find his tent, I went from camp to camp holding up his self portrait asking people if they've seen this man. No luck. I put up a cardboard notice on the street sign by his tent telling him that he needs to find me.  Days go by and my head pops up at everyone who walks into our camp, "My soulmate?" We're having dinner and I hear my name, 
   "Yeah, she's in there..." 
   "Is it him?" I think. 
   Yes. Soooo cheesy, I know! And this dude walks in holding my cardboard sign. My thoughts, and the thoughts of all my campmates (at least according to their facial expressions) were, 'Hello!' We immediately hit it off. Of course I invited him in for dinner, and he stayed afterwards helped us take down our camp. It was like anything to be together. I hadn't felt this kind of attraction to someone in years. And I haven't had anyone feel this way about me in just as long. We spent the next 4 hours at each others side, then he had to get in his camper and leave. Burning Man was over. Everyone had to go home. 

   What does this have to do with work, you ask? Well, same as always. The lie. He asked me what I did for a living and I lied to his face. It literally hurt to do. It hurt. I wanted to tell him the truth so bad, but, "What's the point?" I told myself, "We live in different countries! Nothing is going to come of this, so why ruin this tiny bit of perfection we have together." We've been texting quite a bit in the week since we parted, and swapping photos (PC photos!) and today we were able to Skype for the first time. I had already decided that I needed to tell him. If something is to come of this, I needed to get the lies out of the way right off the bat. We talked for about 45 minutes before I was able to tell him. It's funny, I was watching the eyebrows. Whatever comes out of the mouth, the eyebrows don't usually lie. He was shocked, obviously it wasn't what he was expecting. Then he started referring to everything in the past tense, and I was just waiting for the, "You're a nice girl, but..." And it didn't come.   
   Instead he said, "If I decide to be with you, nothing is going to stop me. Not time, not geography, not anything." ...and melt. 
   If I were still on the playa, I may have cried. (The Playa is spanish for beach, what everyone called the desert where Burning Man was). And now for the disclaimer, we are not fools. We both know that it's Playa love, not real love. Playa being the place where everything is beautiful and magical, and sometimes when you get home, and reality sets in things are different. It's like when you make those great friends on vacation (well, I guess it's exactly the same.) Sometimes you get home, and you stay friends, and sometimes you wonder who this person is and what you saw in them. Anyway, we are just getting to know each other now. I will say though, he seems pretty awesome in real life too.