~Written May 11~
So I got a job today. A real job. I applied with them back in November, interviewed in January, and they called me while I was in Mexico to see if I was still interested. The thing about this job is it's the job I'm using as my cover story. My family is constantly asking me questions about what I do on a day to day basis, so if I were actually able to be employed by them, that would be PERFECT. I had a family dinner the day and I think my aunt tried to trip me up. Luckily I didn't realize this at the time or I would have totally fumbled. She asked me if my boss, "whats her name?" "Andrea." "Right, does she look Ukrainian?" "what?! Uhhh, I don't know" and I think, what the hell does a Ukrainian person look like? See the thing is, like I say, I've interviewed with her, so I've met her. Not knowing the answer my aunt is looking for I start describing the woman. I seriously think my family is on to me. As I mentioned, I'm sure it's not a matter of if they find out, but when. And that's the primary reason I'm taking this job (for $2 less an hour than my old desk job) is so that I can send my mom a 'by the way' email from their domain name.
So I got a job today. A real job. I applied with them back in November, interviewed in January, and they called me while I was in Mexico to see if I was still interested. The thing about this job is it's the job I'm using as my cover story. My family is constantly asking me questions about what I do on a day to day basis, so if I were actually able to be employed by them, that would be PERFECT. I had a family dinner the day and I think my aunt tried to trip me up. Luckily I didn't realize this at the time or I would have totally fumbled. She asked me if my boss, "whats her name?" "Andrea." "Right, does she look Ukrainian?" "what?! Uhhh, I don't know" and I think, what the hell does a Ukrainian person look like? See the thing is, like I say, I've interviewed with her, so I've met her. Not knowing the answer my aunt is looking for I start describing the woman. I seriously think my family is on to me. As I mentioned, I'm sure it's not a matter of if they find out, but when. And that's the primary reason I'm taking this job (for $2 less an hour than my old desk job) is so that I can send my mom a 'by the way' email from their domain name.
I had to get my suit tailored a little before the interview. I bought it back in the day when I was planning on working a real job and never ended up needing it. While trying it on I thought to myself, "what the fuck am I doing?" I feel like I'm selling out. I feel like I'm quitting what I love to do what's right. It doesn't feel right. But I'm only doing it part time. I told Andrea that. I was also up front with her about my present career, and that I am going to continue doing it. I cannot create and sustain a third fake life for this job. I'm doing it so that I have the stories and the antidotes and the alibi for my parents.
As for my own real long term plans... Well part of the reason for this was that I had no plan. No direction. No idea what I wanted to "with the rest of my life" Man, what dooming and looming words. No wonder it's such a struggle for most people. REST OF YOUR LIFE. Frick. So much pressure. People always told me "figure out what you're interested in, and make that into you're career" Frankly I think that's mostly a load of horse shit. People who work in offices, ie engineers did not follow their bliss, but they seem to be loaded. I hated being told to follow my interests, because I spend most of my free time hanging out with friends. I am a really social person. Extrovert to the extreme sometimes. That is my interest. Little vague to turn into a job. Alex and I were talking about goals and plans and what not and he told me that I should make a list of my top 5 dream jobs. And I told him right away that being an escort would be on the list. Andrea also asked my why I got into this job, and I told her, because I wanted to. She was quite surprised. I feel like as much as I tell people, they don't believe me. I like my job. I chose my job. I was never abused, nor do I have a substance abuse problem. As I mentioned Alex and I were talking about this and he said I should become a sex therapist. And it was like a light went on. "find out what you love doing and turn it into a career." I never though sex counted. And my interest in sex goes way beyond just the bump and grind of it. It's always been there. Like I said in my first post, I've always been a little weird. When I was 8, I found my moms copy of The Joy of Sex and READ the whole book... Then of course I went to try the new things with the neighbour boy (so much was lost in translation) When I was 20 I found a huge text book on human sexuality and read that cover to cover. Peoples sexual obstacles fascinate me. And maybe fascinate is the wrong word, but my friends tell me stories of not being able to orgasm, having a hard time getting erect (and being scorned for it) having labia reduction surgery, being circumcised at the age of 15, being made fun of because of their smell, and that's not even including abuses. All of these things happen to people, and it's shitty. And it scaring. I want to help people feel ok about themselves.
What's hilarious is I still feel awkward about discussing it with my parents. I told my brother and he's like "you know you're going to have to specialise." I didn't tell him that was the idea. I'm going to the university tomorrow. When I know more I will have something to tell them.
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