The More You Get The More You Want

My new job is cutting into my old jobs schedule. Not because of the actual time it takes up, but because with the agency it's first come first serve. This is why I usually book on at 8 in the morning. Now, when I book on at 2 or later, after I'm done with my new job, I usually have to wait until late in the evening to get my first call. Point of my little story: my libido is out of control right now. Having to wait until the middle of the night to get some is the biggest tease. I've already gotten myself off once today, and I'm debating doing it again. And hold on a second; I don't want you thinking that the sex I'm having is good sex. I would say about 12% of the action I see could be considered as being ‘good’ or better. When I do my job, when I'm feeding him into me, I often can't help think how ridiculous the whole thing is. It's funny how my job almost never turns me on. It's so weird. I won't say I don't feel it physically when I'm getting fucked. Of course I do. It just doesn't translate into arousal. Just in and out and heavy breathing. So weird. I think I mentioned before, one of the primary reasons why I hooked up with Jake the first time, was cause I was curious as to how it would be different than work. Would it be the same, just anonymous in and out? Putting the energy that was between Jake and I that night aside, I fucked him as myself. As Realme. No holding back, all the kinks were on the table. With my clients, I am very much myself emotionally. I tell them what ever they want to know about me, (except for things that would give them access to my life) but when it comes to sex with them, I'm not myself at all. I'm just a sexy compassionate hole for my clients. For the longest time I identified as a kinky bottom. Meaning I liked my sex with a healthy dose of getting smacked around. I would never share this part of myself with a client though. Sure I let them slap my ass from time to time, but I put myself in a situation where a client thinks it’s ok to hit me. Under any circumstances. Nor would I ever allow one to tie me up. The slope is just to slippery. I don’t know how kinky I am any more though. I dated (and almost married) man almost twice my age because he was the kinkiest person I knew. I ended a relationship with the most beautiful girl because the sex was just too plain (or vanilla, as we kinksters call it) Lately I'm finding the porn I used to cream over very disturbing. What happened to my kink? My sexuality is never my identity, but it has always been a big part of my life. The only thing I know for sure, is that my sexuality is fluid.