My Best Idea Yet

    I don’t know a lot about brothels. I know they’re not allowed where I live, and I imagine ones definition of a brothel varies greatly. The kind of brothel I have in mind right now the kind you see/read about in Old English times, or Gone With the Wind. The kind where the bar is on the main level, and the ladies are hanging out wooing the men.

     It really creates the perfect world for the men, doncha think? They can hang out, drink, nurture their bromances, and be macho all at the same time. When they’re bored, they just get to pick someone and go fuck them. They don’t even have to leave the building! 

     I’ve heard on Dateline or some other news show that there’s some places in the Southern States where there are brothels. The guy has to pay a cover, then buy the girl a drink, and she’s all his. So basically the girls get wasted, and fucked over and over again. This is not cool, and I do not condone this. I do not condone any thing that is not consensual. I think the laws should be a lot looser around the sex trade industry, but I understand the reason why they’re not is in attempt to protect those who cannot protect themselves. I respect that. 

     So that is not what I’m talking about. What I’m talking about is the genius idea I had this evening. Ok, so we all know that there’s nothing more insane than women at the male strippers. They’re like kids when they’re allowed to drink for the first time. Completely out of control, and totally unlike themselves (generally). My theory is it’s because women aren’t allowed to behave like this in real life. It’s socially unacceptable for women to whistle at that hot guy walking down the street, or be forward in other similar ways. Sure it happens from time to time, there will always be exceptions. But generally women are expected to be pursued, not the pursuer. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve twat-blocked myself because I am not the shy and demure type. If I want something, I go after it... annnnd twat-block. I’m too forward. At the strippers, they’re allowed to whistle, they’re allowed to hoot and holler, and they’re more than happy to stuff dollar bills in all sorts of places. The inner chauvinistic pig comes out to play. 

     My Mom tells me this story where in her younger days, she took her bestie to the male strippers (“We left your dad at home”). Mom’s friend is the ‘nice girl’ type who wouldn’t say poop if her mouth was full of it. The next day she phoned my mom and asked why her knees were so banged up, and Mom assured her that she really didn’t want to know. Really. I believe that is a secret that Mom will take to her grave with her. 

    This is where my genius idea comes in, or, well I guess you’d call it a fantasy. A brothel for women. Can you imagine. Hanging out with your girlfriends, getting drunk, and having gorgeous men, and the occasional hot lesbian, fawning all over you. Frankly, it’s the most awesome thing I could think of. It would be so relaxing. No pressure; he’ll just wait over there for you. Or join you and the ladies at your table. Then, when you feel like it, head off to a bedroom. No worries, your friends will be there when you get back. Perhaps they’ll order dinner for you. Perhaps they’ll be off having their own mini adventure. There’d be a menu of services, all laid out. Sleep overs, snuggles, fetishes. It’s ok if you’re shy, just point to what you want and your credit card will take care of the rest. 

    Such a fantasy. Women aren’t allowed to be brazen. Amongst my friends, there are only, maybe, two who are more sexually liberated than I, and still I have never had the desire to invite them over and hire prostitutes. It’s never been discussed, nor has it crossed my mind. I can’t fathom sitting around with my girlfriends and talk about watching porn or inviting an escort over. But guys do it all the time. Their sexual freedom is not only discussed openly, but encouraged. 

    ~Amendment~ We did hire a stripper for a friends birthday last year, and everyone got lap dances. It was one of the single most awkward things I’ve ever experienced in my life. I didn’t know what to do! I didn’t understand the point. You’re not allowed to touch, so...? Having someone peal their pink inches from my face doesn’t do anything for me, actually, unless I can get in there, and get involved, it’s actually a pretty big turn off. See! I’m a little conservative. 

    I want to have a brothel for women. I want to get rid of the double standard. I want to line the walls with sexy ripped men. YES! Feminism at it’s best.