Limbo

I'm in bed right now. Trying to figure out what to do with my day. My life has returned to normal. No more faux job that doesn't pay and all family has returned to their respective homes. It's just me and time again.

 It's funny about family. My parents are divorced, but they get along really well. They hung out a bit this week and I was paranoid about leaving them alone together. I didn't want them to start talking about me. I know there's no way they can know what I do for a living. It just wouldn't make sense for them to jump to that conclusion, even if they did suspect something was up. Parental denial is such a powerful thing, and I'm their little girl. But I've still got that guilty complex. I just don't like them talking together. 

I've been sick a lot this last month. It's sucked. Started with a throat infection the weekend I met Andrew, and because I'm an idiot and didn't take my antibiotics like I was told to, it has mutated into a kidney infection. Ugh. It's been awful. This has been going on for the last week, so I only took one job early on. I want it to go away! I just want to go back to work. Every time something goes wrong in that area, I stress that I've caught an STD. I get checked regularly and I'm fine, but I don't think it's unreasonable to be overly concerned given my line of work. Having said that, with all the action it sees it's hard to keep a balanced pH level. My doctor says I need to eat more sugar free yogurt. Pro-biotics! Yay. 

And on the Andrew front, conversations continued, but I think we are at a stand still now. He doesn't trust me enough to show me his 'money maker'; The website that gave my agency a bad review, and I think he's lying about it. So. That's that. It's a website though. On the Internet. Its not like it's a secret file in a locked room. If it's out there, I'll find it, or I won't. No big deal. I'm not moving forward with him until he backs up his big talk. I asked him how he would do a background check, because that made no sense to me. He said that the clients are to give references of other girls they've seen. I've read on other blogs that this is common. There's no database or anything like that though. The thing to keep in mind is everyone in this industry is looking out for #1. Andrew is totally self motivated, I'm not kidding myself into thinking he actually cares about me or my well being. He care about his income. And I would be it. And I'm doing the same. I don't owe him a thing. 

And don't think the agency is holier than thou either. They're feeding me self-serving lies too. I kind of feel like they're trying to pit me against the other girls. I think they're just bored. All they do is watch tv all day and make shit pay. I really don't concern myself with what they say. On the surface they're nice girls and that's as deep as I care to go with them. The key is to stay on their good side so they keep sending me the most calls. Ha ha.