For The Record

    I've been thinking about volunteering lately. When I was in high school I volunteered for the Alzheimer's Society, I wouldn't mind doing that again, or working with special needs kids. I figure I have time to give up a couple days a week.    
   I know that these things will require a criminal back ground check, and this had me a little concerned. What exactly shows up on a criminal back ground check? With my experience in googling the laws specific to my city vs. escorting, I knew that looking into it that way would yield no results. So I phoned the police non-emergency number. I was completely up front with the lady I talked to. I've found myself in several situation where I have to talk to civilian professionals frankly about what I do, and I figure, really I'm only screwing myself by hiding things. Yes, it's awkward watching their 'normal' face. She was as helpful as she could be and said it would be unlikely that it would show up, but could not give me an absolute answer.
     The thing is, I want an absolute answer. Every one I've talked to (ie friends in various professions or experiences) all say probably not. The thing is if I get rejected, I want to know if it's because of me or because of my job. I can handle the personal rejection. I just want to know. And they won't call and say, "Uh, I'm sorry Ms. Stumble-mumble-through-my-last-name, given that you fuck people for money, we do not feel it is appropriate that you be in the vicinity of children." Those phone calls don't happen, so I want to be sure.
     So today, as per her suggestion, I wandered downtown, circled for ever looking for parking, found the police station, and got the paper work to do the criminal check myself. They tell you to turn off your cell phones when you walk in, but I was in the middle of a texting convo with Alex, about how he thinks there should be a country song made of my life called The Honky Tonk Hooker and Her Achy Breaky Heart. Alex thinks he's soooo funny. The commissioner starts talking to me about the new iphone. I'm sorry, but I'm having one of those days where I'm only going to be nice if I have to, or if I'm getting paid lots of money to. AND I'm filling out a form. I wasn't rude to him, but I kept my answers sort. Whatever, I don't care about the new iphone.
   The form asked all the basic questions that you'd expect. It also asked for any other names used, so I put down Alison. I really didn't want to put down anything, but again, what's the point in doing this if you're not going to be up front. It also asked if through volunteering I would be in contact with children, seniors, or patience. I checked yes. There was the question, why was I having the check done: Work, Volunteer, Other. I checked other, as it wasn't mandated by any agency, and for the reason, I wrote, "Personal Clarification" Ha, that doesn't look weird at all. The woman who processed my paperwork was a little curious as to the specifics, and rather than asking out right, she kind of danced around the question. She explained that if there was an incident of  'suspicious behaviour' without charges being laid, that would it show up. For example, if I were trespassing, and the police were involved, and charges were not laid, it would show up.
     "Would any sort of licensing through the city show up?" I asked with my eyebrows really high, like 'you know...' I may as well of winked at her and tugged on my ear. She didn't get it.
    "What do you mean?"
   "Like an escort license."
   "No, that shouldn't matter, if it's licensed, and it's legal, and you haven't had any run in's you should be fine," She says.
      "Should? Could you find out for sure?" I know I'm making her job more difficult by having to go check, no favours are going to be done, when I say, "But Officer, the girl said it should be ok!"
    She came back and assured me, for sure, that there would be no reason for it to show up. It's like a buskers license. No bid deal.
   Awesome! And it didn't even cost me money, and I don't have to wait four to six weeks. Yay.