It's Personal

    I didn't write about my little week away with Wonder-Boy because it was a really personal intimate wonderful time. The details really didn't pertain to Alison. I didn't charge him. I told him it was community service. Ha ha. JOKE! As much as I love having you guys tune in to my blog all the time, there are somethings that aren't for sharing.
      But I'd like to think that there are other girls out there like me. I know when I found that tv show, Secret Diary of a Call Girl, I felt like I finally found a peer. Cheesy as it may be, but it meant a lot to me. It was really good to have someone to relate to.  I hope this blog means the same to someone else out there. You're doing fine, it's just nice to know you're not alone. That's why I changed my mind and decided to write about my experience.
     What killed me about the show ~spoiler alert~ is in the end she found love. Her best mate, who knew all about her, and loved her and accepted her for what she did. He struggled with it, but he loved her enough. And she fucked it up by lying to him. I wanted to bang her head against a wall. She found the impossible, and she threw it away.
     I know I shouldn't call it impossible. There are other girls who I work with who have boyfriends. And it's funny, I was thinking about it last night and I judged the men that these girls were dating. I don't know them. Maybe I was judging them based on the girls themselves (remember the girl with the Tim Burton Tattoos?) Or maybe I was judging them based on the fact that they were dating escorts. Double standard? I still don't know what I would do if I was in the position of dating an escort. I know I'm pretty ok screwing around with Andrew, but I love to hate him, so it's different. I know there would have to be a ton of trust there. I think that's what it would come down to.
     Wonder-Boy had full disclosure. He reads my blog. He's reading this. (Hi, I hope I'm conveying your side of this accurately) He loves my blog. I think I mentioned this, but I wanted him to read it so he could gain a full understanding of who Alison is. It's so easy to innocently have completely inaccurate perceptions of what my job would entail. He agreed that it was a huge help in him understanding. It was also a main topic of conversation during our time together. He had so many questions and things he wanted to discuss with me. It' was nice to be able to talk openly about it but by the end of the trip, I was kind of done talking about it. I appreciated his efforts to be understanding, but I didn't want to talk about people I have sex with, with the person I was having sex with. I know it's just a job, but it's still sex.
     Because of his work, and my family obligations, our first chance to Skype wasn't for a week after I got home (monday) and after some idle chit-chat, he confessed that he "been thinking" I knew exactly where that was going. Long story short before I spent my time with him, the concept of Alison was more abstract, a funny blog. It was easy to separate that with the girl who would text him during his work day, and Skype with him the occasional evening; Realme. Reality set in during the five days I spent with him, that in fact, Alison and I really are the same person. And that doesn't sit as easy with him.  Combine that with the fact that in my late 20's, I still don't have a career plan, and I'm in the friend box. Jake put me in the friend box and I haven't heard from him since. I'm sorry, I shouldn't compare the two. Jake and I really didn't have any potential beyond really great sex.
      But I am allowed to say this sucks. It does. I almost convinced myself that this wouldn't happen. The shoe wouldn't drop. I sincerely do want to continue to have him in my life, even if it is as friends. I have no idea how to do that, where to scale it back (obviously texts ending in xoxo will stop) but I really think I'm going to leave it in his court and hope he reaches out. He's the one who wants less. Sucks balls. I liked him... I liked his face... and his abs... and his... alright that's enough. I'll stop. Whatever, it's nothing he doesn't know ;)
      So that's the cake. You wanna hear about the icing? I got asked out on a date today. Ha! Like an actual, "Do you want to go on a date with me?" Kind of date. I didn't even know people did that any more. I met this girl (yeah, she's a girl) at the bar during my birthday celebrations last month. We got our flirt on pretty good, swapped numbers, texted a bit, then I left town, and she was out of town when I got back. I wasn't looking to date her. I just like getting my flirt on when I'm drunk. It's how I've made the two of my three best female friends. I texted her back saying, 'Yeah, it'd be cool to hang out when you get back.' I hope that was a good dodge. She really is sweet. Young, totally my type though, unfortunately. Oh well. It will end in a train wreck I'm sure. I'm not dating though. This whole 'you're a great girl, but I can't date an escort' is kinda like a kick to the nuts. Wonder-boy never actually said, "You're a great girl" by the way, that's just my summarising.