Peace of Mind

     I feel like apologizing for that last blog. It may have been over dramatic. I was feeling like garbage though. It seemed that that post was cathartic. It felt like I got all of that garbage out of my system. I had plateau  in my misery and it was all downhill from there. Yesterday was great.
      I had one client yesterday morning, then I took the rest of the day off. He was wonderful. Exactly what I needed. And I think I was exactly what he needed. He was at one of the high end down town hotels. I haven't had any special clients lately, and I was optimistic about this one. Something about the way he was on the phone, he sounded at peace.  
    He opened the door for me, and I was happy with what I saw. Happy. He was quite attractive, but not a super stud. Early 40's. He looked like he would play someones dad on TV. We started with small chat, and it was easy to get comfortable with him. He told me that he was he was going to go to the hotel spa for a massage after he saw me.
   "Well aren't you spoiling yourself! What's the occasion?"
   "I'm having an awful day," He tells me flatly. It was 11 AM.
   "Did you want to talk about it?"
   "Oh, it's just family problems," He says. I assume by family problems, he means wife problems. I don't push it any further.
    I have a routine with my clients. A sort of order of operations. I'll start kissing around his face and neck, placing myself really close to him, and kind of subtly encourage him to put his hands on me, then clothes will be taken off either by him or myself. Generally the way it goes down ever time. So I'm doing this, and I can just kind of feel his body submit. It was like he just let go of all that shit that he was hanging on to all morning. I stopped, and I looked at him, cupping his face in my hands. We just stared at each other, and we knew we were in the same place. I let go of all my shit too, and I kissed him. It was so intimate, we felt so connected to each other. I've never had a client like that before. We didn't move when he came, we just held each other, soflty kissing.
     It was amazing. This is why I do my job. Of course not all clients are like that, but he just needed to feel someone. I've been in a relationship where, in the end there was no love, no intimacy, and people need that connection. I know I've said it so many times before, but I truly believe that I gave him what he needed. Even if he was married, I don't feel bad. The hurt that he had in his eyes when I walked in that room, it was heavy. What happened between the two of us was meaningless, but at the same time it meant so much.